Wait that means...

Yup I get the girl too! (refer to the last statement in the previous blog entry) Ya dig!!!!???






*I'm the nerd that's cooler than Fonzie*



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Hold up 1 time!!

I just wanted to take this early morning slot to address a couple things real quick. I know I've been on some gone with the wind type sh*t, but I just want EVERY1 to know I'm not fronting 1 bit. I've been contemplating getting away without notifying a soul.

I have to be very careful with my words when I try to explain this to others because I don't want to be labeled incorrectly. Basically I'm trying to be as positive as I can right now. I know for those that see me it's 'all good' but that has more to do with me feeling I have a responsibility to uplift those around me not bring them down with my own problems.

Notice there's no label for how I'm feeling being tossed out by me. That's more because PROfessional analysis is on it's way in the near near near near future. I guess my thing is this, being in the position I am leaves an open window to peak at all things trendy, fake, and downright wrong... I should chill with my opinion.

It's LIKE this (not that), in the grand scheme of things I'm better off then a lot of people just because of the blessings BD (and mommy) made sure I had. Those that know me KNOW what it is, yet if you KNOW me when have I ever thrown any of that in YOUR face? When have you heard me talking like the over privileged kid?

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I say that to say don't laugh or scoff while rolling your eyes when I say I can't because 'insert $ related issue here'. It doesn't help I have multiple habits to kick... Ahhh where was I going with this...

*redirected*



"he aint giving them sh*t he's just pinching pennies so hard/ he'll leave a bruise on the bronze so dark/ you can see the mark when it scars/ til Abraham Lincoln is screaming out 'AHHH!'/" Eminem Almost Famous.

I've found myself holding back with a lot of you because quite frankly I'm not comfortable trying to 'live it up' like you. The crazy part is 'living it up' doesn't have to be what you would expect. At least not in terms of HOW MUCH is being spent, and would it really matter if you have 0 anyway??

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Not that I can't manage, I do that everyday lol. I just can't manage the thoughts that I think your feeling/thinking. I can't manage what I imagine. there.

I try to be open with how I think/feel, but most of the time I feel like that works against me. Meghan knows because I've tried to voice some of those frustrations with her before. Only to be left frustrated. If people can't get it that's fine, I just ask not to be judged like I don't make ANY f*cking sense. F*ck outta here with all that.


People need to start doing some f*cking homework before pressing their opinion on an unsuspecting mind. I've been this way for a minute, a long minute. Think the opposite of New York.

I've rambled on long enough saying half of what I meant to in the 1st place. It's cool peep the song. I'm on, I have another busy day full of mysteries to get to. Catch me if you can!


*I'm the nerd that's cooler than Fonzie*

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Word-less

I know what it means to me, but everybody's different.. Don't judge just acquire the taste, then talk to me about it.

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They don't Understand...

Only thing that hold me down is my leather. Aye!

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Mornings something I can’t dig cause it takes me places I can’t live. I REALLY want today to be great in an ‘epic’ sort of way but like all things I’m going to have to wait it out. I’m trying to be bold without being imposing. I don’t know how to split the balance between the 2 , but it’s a fun inside project.

If I can make today about some1 other than myself we should all benefit from it. I just want to see smiley faces and happy things, hear intricacy, and live creatively.  For today.

I need an umbrella dead*ss its too hot to be treckin like this under the sun. I’m not tripping over the 1, 2 aspect of it all I just don’t want to have to pack much. I’m naturally warm(er). 

Btw I’ve already failed in some small way at keeping it peaceful, not to mention NOT about me but it’s cool there’s more sun to get through. I have to get better being more efficient especially now that I have to maximize whatever time I can salvage if I want to move forward. No biggie.

I’m sleepy .. I want to give in to it. I think I might, only if the conditions are right….

*at this point, sh*t  hit the f*cking proverbial fan*

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Meaning there was a lull/break in the writing of this blog entry. I was out doing what I was writing about having to do but not wanting to do. Anyway MY car was the vehicle being driven. Well, that thing decided it would be cool to show me the devil’s wrath. Or at the very least (ignoring my penchant for OVERexaggerations) what the devil’s wrath COULD look like in its infant stages (smoke… I’m really not that far out there. The  b*tch was catching on fire)

I had MAD stuff to get done and after having my dead car towed to my house (Jessica Jessica Jessica thank you! Muah!) I went on with the rest of the things that had to get done. People don’t realize or think to put the 2 and 2 together when I said I was 1, 2’in from place to place, but regardless I had a long day under a very hot sun with NO umbrella ella ella ayyyyeeee!!!

I DID get a lot done, but it was what I didn’t get to do that kind of had me feeling like I took an L on the day (that’s a loss for you slowtards).

*the now*

I FINALLY got to unleashing myself (again like it’s KS all over) on twitter. Some people are like what? Others remember what it was and are more responsive. I’m loving it though, until I get to settle down in the chair across from the psychologist it’s about as good as it gets.

IE  shutting me off and turning my mind on leads to very interesting results. As long as I keep those pesky ‘oh sh*t people I know and don’t are reading my f*cking thoughts’ insecurities at a distance I’ll be A-Ok.

So for the plans that didn’t get attended to, I apologize. HOPEFULLY there will be other days for whatever the plans were.  I’m kind of stuck on being focused right now.. You know plan turtle lol kind of like team Edward or whatever other ‘teams’ those Twilight folks have behind them, only it’s not physical or human or… I guess it’s just not those2.

Long live plan a, b, and c. They fought hard and served their purpose. 

Music…  That’s another entry. Let’s just say I’m COMPLETELY content. Therefore, I fear no thought or reality of loneliness. I love and miss you all! Try to do the same..

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Son's a Bum

Here we go more of the lies...

I was/am getting ready to just get gone. I've grown far too exhausted trying to catch up to where I should already be. Thing is the things I wish not to be as well as the locations are all things I wished to see.

I'm just tired of the image you've given me. It's time for something new. <<--- ayo Charles sample those sentences for me. I don't really trust any1 else to do it.

I'm at a point where the notions of what I think are becoming reality to how I feel. Not cool at all, not healthy either. I've tried shaking this off in a variety of different ways. Some more successful than others, I guess they all worked from some1's perspective. Whatever... Today I did 1 of the healthier choices. Worked like a charm.

I'm an excellent painter, so I painted.

However, once I left my paints and decided it was time to let you in again I was embraced with disappointment. I guess none of the parties involved get it either because we are all saying the same thing. aka knot getting anywhere.

*yeah yeah purposeful ^*

Walking... More walking...

I'm taking it back to those walking days. Sometimes because I want to sometimes because I have to. My feet are getting their work in though. Sooooooooo don't be mean about it k? *cough* megherz *cough*

So yeah, the trip... I don't know. I feel like I just need to go, and apart of me is ready to do just that. There's still too much holding me back at the moment so I'm chilling. Fact's are as stated: I don't feel good about MY own positioning in life at the moment. I do not feel good about the people AROUND me in my life. I don't feel good about the reciprocation of an emotional equal who at the moment is also absent. yeah that deep. I feel isolated most all of the time. I've heard a lot of things that were meant to describe me and none of them were true. I'm not feeling good bout being misunderstood. I'm not feeling good sleeping from place to place while never feeling completely welcome.

There's more that's supposed to be left unsaid. I'll oblige this go round because while I'm currently feeling low I'm trying to get up..


I'm not feeling good about missing emails.. I know this goes against what I just said ^ but I don't know what happened to a good friend of mine and I want/NEED to see her if I can. So if the email timing of the universe is just off for all can you please let me know your good? paging Dr. Margot are we good?? I snapped today in my notebook, it's yours come get it!

People don't trust me, and I'm not tripping really I'm working on trusting myself. Just know I'm ready if need be to be OUT in a major way. Different city, state, and or country. I'm not playing around.

People should respect my words since it's obvious these looks have gotten me oh so far.

'your such a player you probably tell that to ALL the girls' yeah YOU got me.

*rolls eyes*



Try digging me cause I make you want to.. The night sky is something 'un' and 'ling' when there are no stars to snuggle in it. Odd looking and out of place.. Shout out to LC. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh LC....

























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Hi my name is...

Chris Wilson, or Turtle Lee to the few and fortunate.

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More important than that, is what they've become to be..


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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

How do you start...

Something so hard your heart could burst?

Today was tough ^ word to the Charles Hamilton quote. I've been dealing with a lot of bs and I was appalled at what was 'acceptable' in my convo with my n*ggas over twitter. Debate really, but it never even got there so let me just chill on that.

The convo has me tight though. close-mindedness is so wack I don't care how you look at it or try to 'ok' it. I mean I'm used to being so blatantly on the opposing side of things that it really shouldn't bother me by now. My homie's in town apparently! Leave it to me to be away from my email like all day... errrggghh that's due once again to the 'debates' I was having.

I'm trying not to be too anything right now because people can be ignorant, and there is no need to get ignorant with them in this case. I say that because I want to call people names throw stuffs, and generally make some1 else feel frustrated like me right now. I'm going to opt to take it to the gym instead. That may be worse though, it might be best to just stay off the courts today.

Heard from Geanna lightweight today. That chick either has her nose WIDE open or is lacking serious time... Either way if I get stuck to thinking about why we haven't talked it'll be counterproductive to this mood I'm trying to avoid going into... Maybe I am as socially awkward as I've always said and THAT's the reason I'm more or less alone contemplating these things..

I'm not going there. I just want to have a great great evening. If all goes well I don't see why that would't be possible. I'm doing some major major cleaning. How's this for honesty though, all I really want to do is sit here with this music and get lifted with it. I won't do that, but it'd be nice.

I may not speak another word today I'm feeling that frustrated with people.

Jean Grae and Charles Hamilton I road hard for you 2 today. All in the name of good music, f*ck what they talking about.



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I actually like going to places like this to chill downtown Sacramento knows me lol. We only getting more familiar. Imagine that.












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That list is coming! Especially after today. Smh

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