Friday, June 9, 2017
Thursday, May 29, 2014
It's going to be a struggle for me to break habits that are engrained in the strings that weave the cloth I'm made of together. I see a bit more clearly (I should look up and find a way to word that much better) that these habits are as much a product of who and what I'm around as they are my own lack of control. Nobody said bettering yourself is easy though. So far so good, although I can't help but wonder if my control is more a product of my current situation. If that were the case, should it even matter? I've seen a lot of change happening around me these last few months, no, the last year and a half. How do you react when you know you are at the epicenter of a change that's currupt? That's certainly nothing to be proud about... Unless you're some kind of maniacle villain; even then, those types usually have some moral dilemma their faced with to create a new ethos to live by.
It's sad when you see things slipping away from you; while others have had things taken, I've had the displeasure of watching things fade slowly. Now I know why the merciful end things quickly. The toll these interactions have started to take on me is probably the most necessary thing that I can pinpoint. It's hardened me some, yes, but make no mistake about new stance. I'm doing what's necessary; not what's expected of me.
An update just came across the top of my phone from an old friend. Not an update to me, just a peak into his life. I guess what he deemed important to share. I took a break from sharing because it felt like nobody cares, or they simply couldn't understand. Being misunderstood is a different kind of hurt though, and I'll have time to flesh thoughts out on that matter when the time is right. I chose to stay in THIS Heartbroken chapter because I am. Strides have been made, but I can't rightfully say the book has been closed...
There's still some moving to do.
Lastly, I think I may have found a new title to get lost into. Thanks Jean and Green. #Grae
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
So I have a BIIIIIG mouth. Shout out to Pac, but seriously. I've found it easier to bury my frustrations in places people don't even know to look. Biting my tongue will be hard for sure. Especially when I hear and see people speaking so freely with no regard to how hard their words hit. Guess it's time to be the bigger mute.
I'm in the process of looking back to look forward, and what I'm finding isn't at all cute or polished. With that said, once I'm done (with this) I'm done. Those that stood taking granted for his mansion will just have to deal with that.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
I just found the instrumental to all my current frustrations (Thanks Dilla!). Now, anyone who has a problem with me stand over here.
Anyone that has a problem with my writing stand over there.
Anyone that has some unresolved business with me stand over yonder.
Anyone that has love for me stay here.
With that stated, I'm now more equipped to deal with this (baby). If it's misunderstood I have to admit I kind of expect it nowadays.
Bernie Mac (RIP) is hilarious. *sighs* Happy got sad for a moment.
So it seems I'm sowing seams just to do so, but honestly I'm curving the desire to write because I don't want the truth to come out tonight. Even as I type these sentences not really knowing where to go. It just flows...
Shouts to Lupe.
Matter of fact shout out to all my favorite emcees. It's been a good minute and 2012 was NOT funny as hell (anyone?). Anyway, as it grows harder for me to subject myself to music that subjects myself in the negative I drift. I'd like to stop for a second to catch 2013 with some well deserved body blows, but admittedly it's a little harder to get down with the get down, til you can't get down no more. Dig?
I'm trying to hold on with everything I have inside me, because to see this love go? Nah, it wouldn't be good.
I've grown weary over the last few years of looking at what was done. I've taken a keen interest in the path the subject takes to gain the 'what'. HOW was it done? I guess, being someone who's always been overlooked or reconsidered due to the tag attached to a name does that. In other words, skills never told the tale for me and mines. It should have, but that's not the world we live in. So HOW did we get there?
I have to laugh to myself having the foresight to make yet another video game reference (they've started to build up in my writing), but it fits and is the only way I can assure I'm still smarter than need be. Not at all alarming that I could subject what I'm doing into what I'm believing or not. I just want people to stand in agreement. One arm holding themselves as it props the other ever so gracefully to be perched atop their respective chins. Nodding with trance-like focus, because what they've discovered is what I've always known.
Save the punchline there. ^ ^
If I'm hit I'll gain SOMETHING! If I hit you I'll gain more of something, so what is so special about the 'something'? Everything is so contexualized, which is cool until you become the lone individual compartmentalizing each 'thing'/item in its proper form and place (context).
Yeah, it's been a minute. So it's only right if I allow mandate for change. Trying to accept comfortability amidst chaos while whistling while you work. Quite honestly, there's too much work to be done to be content on the couch. Unless ******
(I couldn't find something that made me feel more clever.)
is UP on the same couch helping me out.
I lost it, bummer.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Thank God, I'm breathing. I'm sitting here thinking about what drugs would numb the pain best. I'm dead tired, but I can't sleep with peace of mind. I'm scarred by what I'm scared of. Scarcity is a frequent reminder of what was this time last year, and the road out of that hole has been a long one... I wish I had some kind of booster to get me thorugh today. In my my right mind, I'm barging through the door.
Definitely between realities, where you see and what you understand is probably more dependent on where I see you. I hate being in a situation that I can't pull another out of. Normally is the other way around and I'm left going heads my own devices. I'm getting a little better at writing so say my peers. Very cool indeed... Beyond exhausted, but I'll wake up whenever I pass out... LIfe man.