Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Thursday, May 29, 2014


It's going to be a struggle for me to break habits that are engrained in the strings that weave the cloth I'm made of together. I see a bit more clearly (I should look up and find a way to word that much better) that these habits are as much a product of who and what I'm around as they are my own lack of control. Nobody said bettering yourself is easy though. So far so good, although I can't help but wonder if my control is more a product of my current situation. If that were the case, should it even matter? I've seen a lot of change happening around me these last few months, no, the last year and a half. How do you react when you know you are at the epicenter of a change that's currupt? That's certainly nothing to be proud about... Unless you're some kind of maniacle villain; even then, those types usually have some moral dilemma their faced with to create a new ethos to live by.

It's sad when you see things slipping away from you; while others have had things taken, I've had the displeasure of watching things fade slowly. Now I know why the merciful end things quickly. The toll these interactions have started to take on me is probably the most necessary thing that I can pinpoint. It's hardened me some, yes, but make no mistake about new stance. I'm doing what's necessary; not what's expected of me.

An update just came across the top of my phone from an old friend. Not an update to me, just a peak into his life. I guess what he deemed important to share. I took a break from sharing because it felt like nobody cares, or they simply couldn't understand. Being misunderstood is a different kind of hurt though, and I'll have time to flesh thoughts out on that matter when the time is right. I chose to stay in THIS Heartbroken chapter because I am. Strides have been made, but I can't rightfully say the book has been closed...

There's still some moving to do.

Lastly, I think I may have found a new title to get lost into. Thanks Jean and Green. #Grae

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I didn't press send

So I have a BIIIIIG mouth. Shout out to Pac, but seriously. I've found it easier to bury my frustrations in places people don't even know to look. Biting my tongue will be hard for sure. Especially when I hear and see people speaking so freely with no regard to how hard their words hit. Guess it's time to be the bigger mute.

I'm in the process of looking back to look forward, and what I'm finding isn't at all cute or polished. With that said, once I'm done (with this) I'm done. Those that stood taking granted for his mansion will just have to deal with that.


Or am I just... Senseless?