It's going to be a struggle for me to break habits that are engrained in the strings that weave the cloth I'm made of together. I see a bit more clearly (I should look up and find a way to word that much better) that these habits are as much a product of who and what I'm around as they are my own lack of control. Nobody said bettering yourself is easy though. So far so good, although I can't help but wonder if my control is more a product of my current situation. If that were the case, should it even matter? I've seen a lot of change happening around me these last few months, no, the last year and a half. How do you react when you know you are at the epicenter of a change that's currupt? That's certainly nothing to be proud about... Unless you're some kind of maniacle villain; even then, those types usually have some moral dilemma their faced with to create a new ethos to live by.
It's sad when you see things slipping away from you; while others have had things taken, I've had the displeasure of watching things fade slowly. Now I know why the merciful end things quickly. The toll these interactions have started to take on me is probably the most necessary thing that I can pinpoint. It's hardened me some, yes, but make no mistake about new stance. I'm doing what's necessary; not what's expected of me.
An update just came across the top of my phone from an old friend. Not an update to me, just a peak into his life. I guess what he deemed important to share. I took a break from sharing because it felt like nobody cares, or they simply couldn't understand. Being misunderstood is a different kind of hurt though, and I'll have time to flesh thoughts out on that matter when the time is right. I chose to stay in THIS Heartbroken chapter because I am. Strides have been made, but I can't rightfully say the book has been closed...
There's still some moving to do.
Lastly, I think I may have found a new title to get lost into. Thanks Jean and Green. #Grae