I'm planning on simplifying things breaking them back down to the bare minimum in terms of happiness and unhappiness. No grey areas, just are you feeling GOOD, or BAD. when I lean to the right everything light diminishes and I'm left in darkness. I can't sit in the dark for too long without wondering if I'll ever see light again. Everybody's cool with that sh1t, I'm dying trying to be like them.
Apparently, I'm too sensitive. Yeah I am sensitive. I could continue on with a list of what I am "too" much of, but that'll just bring THAT feeling I spoke about last time back, and I'll feel physically ill. Then I'll slowly become mentally ill diagnosing my physical stature. Followed by a loss in spirit f*ck...
Music/Basketball. It hurts to even think about basketball much, but I'm going to dive right back in. As I'm descending headfirst into that I'll be receiving an earful, that will hopefully keep me where I need to be and restore some of that spirit I've lost.
N1ggas just want to f*ck 'b1tches'. Girls all hate on each other, and we've shown the world how to be destructive with a full set of cards at our disposal. Here comes that sick feeling again, my heart hurts my head is way too light right now. See I'm in the middle of a sick realization. I don't change much of anything... Either way it's still gonna keep moving. Like we're all so minimal in the grand scheme. Here today, gone tomorrow.
I find the most beautifullest thing. Yeah I know...
I resisted a strong urge to go post crazy yesterday. There was really no reason for me not to, a lot of stuff had my inquisitive senses bubbling. However, I resisted because doing what's comfortable is easy. Doing what we're used to isn't even a second thought. Habitual behaviors aren't necessarily good or bad, but in my case most of them have negative effect on me directly or indirectly.
So I went against what was natural to me and in doing so hopefully I'll gain a valuable perspective. I just want to be everything ever1 is to me. I find the most difficult thing about doing that is not offending any1 in the process. Hard to do, well who am I kidding? It's impossible, but I strive, I strive.
While I felt a lot of foul ish went down yesterday, it's okay it's over with and I'm cool with accepting that. I'm careful to make a descriptive note of the things bothering me, and the things that stand out for whatever reasons. I took a different approach and was truthfully disappointed with the results. I don't know, for me when I act with some1 solely in mind and it doesn't yield very attractive results I get frustrated. AKA Revert back to what I know, the 1 person that'll let me down and I just have to live with it (or would I?).
Ironically enough when I get reclusive I get all kinds of new sh1t to deal with, compounding the feelings I was already harboring. I honestly feel like I work harder at changing things about me for others than most. It's starting to get to the point where I have time to myself like today, and I decide to keep it that way. I don't know what to do or where to go right now, I just know I did what was uncomfortable to me and still came out on the bottom with every1 sh1tting on me.
I'm not exaggerating either, people are so fickle.. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to forget what you did, or how you acted? The fact that you turned your back? See, with me as much as I love to hang my hat on the fact that I do forgive, and I am loyal. It's incredibly hard for me to look past people doing me wrong, when I consider their motives and perspective. I can understand it, but it f*cking hurts. I'm sick of feeling like sh1t to myself. About myself, only to turn and then catch more of the same from whoever.
I'm just gonna breathe and move on. Yet, knowing I'm at this point I'm still tested and tempted. Every1 else has been cut off, or communication has stalled and I'm still here blogging. Still doing the same thing I was doing when EVERYTHING WAS GREAT. People got some nerve talking about people changed. No, I've just seen more to let me know when somethings aren't right. I don't sugarcoat or try to hold my tongue, I'm just trying to be me. Who just so happens to be trying to be free. Don't see me with the confines you place around others to surround every idea and make it fit the norm. PLEASE.
So sick of everything. I've want to get rid of this unhappy feeling. I'm trying, but at the same time I feel like I got til Wed. to live. F*ck the bs, f*ck the stress. IF you had less than a week to live how much bs would you put up with? F That, Like I SAID I'm tired, AND SICK. Just want good things and because I can't control any of that I'm shifting my focus once more. This stagnancy is so unappealing. These thoughts aren't cool. The only time I feel like I'm at peace is when I sleep, and you might not wake up from that. Or getting up, but your dying quicker for that. I don't know what's left to be pouring it out.
Crafting a NEW top whatever list. He's definitely on it somewhere near the top.
I constantly speak to people about music, it's 1 of the reasons I get through each day. The difference between what I'm pushing and what's 'hot' is quite simple really. Some of ya'll just as shallow as the music you consume. Half of ya'll don't know why you like what you like. Blu, is 1 of the brightest examples I can find.
Constantly pushing the envelope a la Kanye/Lupe (These references are for the shallow listeners to understand chill I know.) never satisfied with the boxes critics placed him in. I want you to keep in mind, every Blu release has been critically acclaimed, meaning he struck a formula for his music that was received extremely well. That may coincidentally be a gift and a curse as some fans (such as myself) have longed for him to go back to older styles/sounds. Bottom line, whatever he's doing and however he's doing music he makes a dope *ss product.
I almost forgot this was despite lackluster sound quality (due to very bare minimum recording tools/space)!
Need more? He's been cosigned by every major act in the game. In other words, he just may very well be your favorite rappers favorite rapper. Part of the super collective The All-City Chess Club (ACCC) spearheaded by the aforementioned Lupe Fiasco. Look it up...
In other words, he's done EVERYTHING right up to this point. With the major label backing he has it's interesting to see where his career will go from here. 1 Thing I absolutely love; a trait I'm learning most all of my artists share, is that he LOVES music. Loves to create music, loves to experiment with music. So while he may never be Jay-Z, unlike Hov (I actually have no real way of knowing this, I'm sure Hov got Albums for days in the can... Ehhh Ionno)he'll always be making music for public consumption in some form. It may not be the type people are hoping for but the point is he does it for the LOVE. I'm sick of this sh1t man, like dead*ss annoyed so many actors out there.
I can't really hate though, if some1 told me I could make millions or 'stay true' come on. It'd be a tough decision, but hey I made those when I was in a position of power before so then again, I can't really respect the 'sellouts' either.
That's why when worse comes to worse I just go with the music. If it's dope it's dope ya know?
Anyway though he's not my favorite, I'd consider him a hybrid of my 2 favorite emcees' styles which is a GOOD thing (to me). Lastly, dude production is SLEPT on something ridiculous. That's enough promoting from me check out Below The Heavens, Johnson & Jonson, HerFavoriteColo(u)r to name a few. DOPENESS.