things are moving super fast, and as I resist the urge to go down the obvious metaphor rode I'm sitting feeling pretty good about things. I know my habits are changing drastically. from quick light to quick write I talk to the walls a lot and if I'm outside, it's the trees. This gradual shift is something I feel is needed, something that's both good and bad. On 1 side, I have a host of people who will probably see less and less of me. On the other, I have a clear mind to attain and a broken frame to maintain.
It's an interesting time to say the least. More interesting than anything is what's going on musically. Things are moving, so I'm moving along with them. Can't say that I'm at all impressed, Big Sean sucked it was mad disappointing. However, onto to bigger and better things. Hov And Kanye dropping this week (well not really, but yes, really.) Which will basically kickstart all of the releases I actually DO want to hear.
There's some concerts I want to go to seeing as how my F'n trip has all but been turned on it's head. Speaking of trips, let's have 1 for all the marbles. I may be there already, who the f*ck knows?
Blackberry's done. For me anyway, I got 2 more months and it's a wrap. Apple's making a run for my attention right now in a major way. Technology is back in apparently. I mean, I'm talking about it right? Yeah, definitely.
I miss my team, excited to see what's good with them today. I've been doing my thing and I assume they've been doing A THING. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just wish they could've gotten the help earlier. Frosh 4 what up!? Lol Jaaron is gonna be that dude, I have a feeling about him. All can be erased with no clear signs of progress however. Gotta progress.
I'm dead tired, but deadass wired so I'll probably pass out around some fire.
Starbucks endorses me anyway... Yo while we are mulling over drugs and such, Starbucks is killing it out there. Majorly! Being under different substances over the last few years has really allowed me to know when somethings... 'working'.. That Starbucks sh1t 'works' lol
I think I have a fairly good handle on what it is about Big Sean now that I'm sitting here concentrating on a body of his work. I can't get with it because it's not me. That doesn't mean it doesn't sound good, or he's not executing what he's saying well enough. It just means, I don't relate. Not even in terms of being off the radar on some thug sh1t. No, I don't relate with the mentality.
It's funny to me listening to it because it's like okay, you big sh1t you f*cking these chicks and they wanna f*ck you. Okay... You want money... Okay... Sh1t that's just not me, and I wouldn't want that to be me. See it sounds to me like my teammates that used to smash out all these chicks, and treat them like items. That's not cool to me, some of those chicks were my friends.. So if it's okay to belittle ya'll like that, cool.
What's ill about that is I can be in a position to do just that like right now if it were that serious. Yet I know if THAT were the case in reality it would be a 'disrespectful' problem. That's the most glaring objection I can find. Next would have to be his next favorite subject of choice.. MONEY. Yoo I'm good when it comes to that, speaking in terms of upbringing and having to REALLY struggle. It's been a minute not since I was much younger, yet that was never my goal and it never defined the motivation behind my actions.
I may have money and blow it, or not have it and blow it. It doesn't matter because money isn't what makes me or the people around me. If that's what you after more power to you I can't hate, but I can choose to just ignore it altogether. People CHANGE for money, which leads to my next point.
Listening to Finally Famous made 1 thing much more clear. Big Sean got on, and lost all his artistic credibility to better appeal to the 'NOW' in the pop music stratosphere. Something to me as a fan of hip hop acts that stood true to themselves AND furthered the culture, is just flat out wack. It's dead*ss hard to respect him now listening to his older stuff. While it IS his OLDER stuff, the fact that he sounds more like a corny less appealing Drake now more than ever isn't a plus in my opinion.
DO NOT GET ME WRONG! He can rap, he just raps on the other juvenile topics. I could try to break it down, I could try and make it make sense...
I got b1tches on my dick sucking it fucking it.the fucking hoe was loving it.. as opposed to (insert name here) busting it gushing it damn i was huggin it smothering it fucking loving it.
Now as I was writing that I realized 'hey, your going to run into these issues all the time in hip hop' and that's true. However the perspective which 1 can be coming from can be world's apart. 1 is coming from the dominant perspective, 1 that is in control and views the woman as an item. The other is describing the same type of acts while giving off no definitive impression of masculinity or dominance. Definitely not disrespect.
It doesn't help when you big yourself up to be the type that f*cks and dips to the next, as opposed to the 1 that has sex because he actually falls for the girls. I mean their both *ssholes banging out different chicks, 1's just sincere about it, while the other see's them as the next nut. I guess it's all preference. I'll take the latter for my sanity though.
On and on ideas were fawned promises traded faith was pawned. No no just going so go go. Trumpet's and saxophone's maxing out then matching crescendo's. Beautiful. Thanks Chuck. What up!? The plus being I got up and worked on getting unstuck. Stepping in mess, so yuck, my next 1 will suck too but it's okay. Ok'd the 'okay' that was a day old. Day old sh1t is still good in my book, crook-like mistakes I'm looking to have booked though. Gotta keep a record of what doesn't make sense, I doesn't it went. Cents to made, they wasn't I did. Something extra... Extra hybrid slide in, the hose is running the tarp is in the grass. You won't get it cause you didn't share my past slip and slide simplistic and entertaining. My kind of ride. My kind of high, nah nevermind. I can try to hide cause in my head it's sleepytime. Bye bye responsibility, your really killing me, got 12 eyes staring deep, saying they feeling me. I don't care go somewhere, the rest of ya'll grow some hair. What you talking? Let's go there! hardy har the concept of a contracept contradicting the next step, because I'm out stepping outside my head. Walking or running demons are coming I heard them in the music all synchronized humming, while the lyrics had undergone the process dumming down the public. I love it cause I see it for what it is, those NOT in the know just say that I'm bugging. Yup... Shoulder shrugging, I've been here before. Won't be the last time I'm left outside the door while ya'll chill in the warmth. I'm so good out here. Might stay right here. I gotta go though just made 3 min feel like a light year.
I guess when you have a love affair like I did it's easy to be pulled back into it. They want me to love you, and I'm afraid I don't know how to anymore. I'll try my best.. Haven't I always? It's kind of out of my hands now.
I'm not happy right now. I'm happy for what the future can hold, and what new opportunities will bring but I'm not happy right now. I'm just worn out, it seems as if nothing I do is ever good enough. Which sucks to the most exteme levels because I've felt like what I've been doing hasn't been anything I wanted to do. Everything is off and nobody wants to fix anything thing right now, they all just want to complain about things being off. I've been off for how long now?
I wish I could move away.. Get away, be away. I feel like there are so many bloated expectations and I just want to see if I can f*ckin survive. Cause see, people been talking A LOT OF SH1T over the course of the last 2 years. I'm in a beautiful position to stick a d1ck up them on some other sh1t. I want to f*ck them, for the pain they caused me.
So I'm bitter and frustrated.
I guess anger is a great way to mask fear and uncertainty too. It's not fair. This sh1t is too much for me right now. Breaking down is something I'm accustomed to, but it should not be this way right now. So much wrong with what's right, and not enough right with what's wrong.
Give me some f*cking pills, I felt great on those.
See I'm being pulled from what I love. It is what it is, but it hurts regardless. F*ck it, I had a vision and I'm in a position to make that vision work. I'm doing it my way and a lot of people aren't gonna like it. I'm just curious to see who's gonna be there at the end. I wish people would just take what they knew and throw it out the f*ckin window though. I don't even know what the hell to expect from me. Unfortunately, I can't tell the future and everybody wants answers as if the opposite is ACTUALLY the case. It's not.
Music, can you make it twice?
3 times, 4 times, I don't really know the number. Who would, when they do their best to forget. I was about to get tight again, but nah, not my place. I know the bullsh1t flying at my face recently, I'm not unaware at all. Truly the opposite, remember 'what's done in the dark comes to the light'. That was about a week ago. Here I go wrapped in riddles, done is an understatement.
I am extremely late addressing comments... maybe because the notices aren't emailed to an account I can check. Of course I see them eventually, and I ALWAYS appreciate them! However, due to the lateness of my discoveries I often don't feel it makes much sense to comment back. I'm not sure if that logic makes any sense... Something tells me it's like thanking some1, of course it's bad not to do it right away, but a thank you is better than no thank you.
Maybe that was an apology... I'm not sure at this point I just know they can both be appreciated the same.
While I would love to boost my comments on here I won't comment back because it's there now and I even have trouble finding it.. Or I will, you'll see.. Okay, I'm done being confusing!
Well I don't mind if you copied and pasted. Acknowledgement is acknowledgement, especially if there's something positive being said about it...which I can't tell if there is...lol I DEF forgot about that paper on the desk lol....wommmmp. Oh well. Catchin the sly's like a hound though. Get it? I don't think soooo ;) You go tooo hard into what ppl interpret off of what you say...Just LET IT BE! but good post tho. ^ ^ ^ Well anonymous I did not get your comment. Unless you are speaking on sly fox's, and the hound catching the fox. On some fox and the hound type sh1t. I was being extremely precise with my duality, thanks. In other words I DID like it, just felt like sharing MY perspective on my constant filtering. Or need to.. I can't say that I mind clicking on some1's page and seeing something I wrote there.. I can say it's uncomfortable but in the grand scheme of things do I really give a flying f*ck what the next person thinks? Not really, I do care about what I think though so I try to be as honest with myself as I can allow. That's tougher than some1 I don't know reading my ish. Besides who's heard me SAY this stuff? These are the hurdles I deal with, so yeah not an issue. Hope it shed some light though. Thank you very much!
What is a friend, but a single soul dwelling in two bodies. -Aristotle Holla. ^ ^ ^ Well anonymous, cool quote. I love quotes if you haven't noticed. Aristotle was a cool guy, though by his times standards was probably an extremely weird figure... Ever notice how influential iconic people were usually pretty F'd up by society's standards? That's so interesting to me! Anyway, I would hesitate to label my friend's that way. 1 single soul? 2 bodies? Yikes. I've been left out to dry too many times to feel comfortable with that description, but maybe that was the point?? Friends are great though, I wish I had more good 1's.
Thank you for the comments, sorry for the late reply. Much appreciated.