Once again I'm being forced to ignore what is expected of me, my phone rings and while I feel neglected I wait 10 minutes to check it I guess I'm content living in make believe scenes where grass is always green and bully's are only mean. to describe their average status in society. lavishness doesn't drive me but I know it's inside me. I need need answers I can trust I'm paranoid from the tree but I believe something is up. Questioning what's tough what's pain and what's enough of a sign to tell my body to tell my mind I'm not fine. Thinking I found it, as if I was searching, I trying ignoring it, that shit isn't working. Life is imperfect, but I love to love, Life is worth it. Past sick of feeling worthless I look down insecure wondering where the dirt is? No clean serine scheme, opposite of that I'm feeling worse than a tire with no tracts after the sky just blacked on some thunderstorm sh1t. I'm on the freeway speeding trying to get home quick. but I'm sick, and pushing the machine to the limit sounds less and less legit of an idea. My prize here just the knowledge that I lived cried and laughed with loved 1's for years. Some weren't afforded that much I see that as a bunch I love people a fact no 1 can debunk. Enough is enough need to cuff me a hug embrace the love and climb back up from the hole I dug. But LOVE you don't get it, I've done everything besides quit 'it' and I can't be acquitted for an act like that. Not in your eyes you'd rather die a little each day with me by your side. I agree "Let's ride" We go on that way for days then we fall behind and remind ourselves of why we found faults in our relationships design. More tears more bitterness more lingering question some times I'll just test shit, offer a suggestion and next thing you know I'm at your neck again. Figurtively. do I even have to say it? we've been through too much but sometimes it feels like we're days in. That new love, that ooo look at you love, that I'm bugged if you think I don't need you love. But that's the thing about the mud, storms, and floods. We can't catch ground on slippery surfaces, and every little failure is feeding my nervousness. It's not supposed to be this so topsy turvy, but we're swirving like cursive "STOP IT EARLY!" My mind speaks and I think for a minute I might listen. Of course I dismiss it, fuck we're both too dismissive of each other, but here's my mother I gotta go. Marley's waiting and it's no longer cold. Get this walk started get back off the road, to get back what I road on the path to recovering. I'm hovering above some lover's drift there's hope in what I wrote, please try and discover it.