In hindsight nothing seems right, and I suppose that's the way it's going to feel for awhile. I let things out to reach a plateau I was desiring from myself, and admittedly it was wrong and disrespectful. I stand by what I said because I know the image that's upheld in my head, but others can't see that. I didn't take a minute to think about that when I definitely should have.
I'm honestly somewhat relieved because I feel like 'me' is finally out the bag. The more people know how irresponsibly corrupted I am the better. Things have gotten awkward, and it's probably best to just fade to black on some other sh1t. I can't control the situation anymore, and busting past breaking points is something I've become adept at. Only this 1 isn't really bending it's snapped in half.
Jess I'm sorry.
Nothing really left to say to you.
Kiki I'm sorry.
Nothing really left there either.
I just would like those people to understand my lashing out came from a place of betrayal and pain. I was hurt by you, and instead of communicating that like a normal responsible adult, I hid it inside of me for too long until...
So yeah I was wrong, I was definitely in the wrong. I'll work on me, you work on you and maybe someday it'll be cool like we used to be. Don't party too hard, you got some crazy friends.
I truthfully won't be able to go back, this time will probably find myself exploring things I've always been too timid to look into previously. I'm still going to be scared as hell, but I find solace in my solidarity. I don't like it, but peace of mind is peace of mind.
If you ever miss me, like I miss you now go to youtube (or here)and play this...
Jess is rolling her eyes or wiping away tears with a smile *muah*... Every1 else didn't listen. It's all love, just sometimes we hurt those we love the most. Off it to the office.
*Whenever you need me... I'll be arouuuuuund*
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