Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Friday, January 13, 2012

To Start Fresh...

I've thought about the possibility of redoing this blog, only because there's been a lot of changes regarding me and my personal life. It certainly has carried throughout a long timespan that has seen plenty of changes in itself, although this feels different somehow. I can't lie, I'm extremely aggy= agitated at a lot of recent events. When things turn towards the unexpected you really only have a few options. Move on, get to the bottom of the problem, solve it, then move on. Or adjust. I'm trying to get the last part down. I feel like my adaptation skills have been ALL the way on point this year (not 2012 year, but the better part of 2011 to the present). I've talked about A LOT of things especially the 'Extracurricular' activities one can indulge in whenever the mood strikes. Even to go as far as planning different time periods for these indulgences to happen. What I learned was, people are STILL blindly afraid of what they don't understand. Even when good reason is behind the blind paranoia, that blockage of UNDERSTANDING is strong, and deep. Proud of what I've been able to accomplish without so much as an instructor's official guide lecturing me on in the ways of the majority. My own path is somewhat crude; definitely not for the faint of heart, and unique to most.

Forgive me for tangents; I'm recollecting quite a bit due to the sting of VERY recent events... Ah, awkward male interactions. I'm not typical or 'A' anything. Very important to remember. I don't try to be anything other than what I've come to know as 'comfy' to my existence. Sure there are plenty influences that can run alongside my own beliefs, but it's authentically ME. So when said interactions don't work out, I normally have a very good idea as to why, and what, if anything, can be done to piece the puzzle back together. I've found in the last year or so it's deadass a matter of effort. How much I'm willing to put in is debatable; compared to my peers of the  male variety, I'm leading the race by a wide margin. Actually, I'm leading that race when it comes to any of these interactions male or female, and tend to keep too much of a detailed log on why.

Both males and females are OD sensitive; myself being the supreme ruler of the title. This can't possibly help when lesser minds combine with deep thinkers, and robust-obtuse versions of the 'truth' are formulated. Perspective TRULY is everything nowadays, and I have little concern for others when forward thinking isn't at the HD focused forefront. My girl says, "You just don't know, they be gettin' at you." Or something of the sort, I prefer to ignore that for what may possibly come from that interaction. Take for a second the jubilation of an interatction so pluetonic (one-sided?), that came from *sucks teeth* a female. Doesn't matter when the outcome is Armeggedon for my heart. It's easier to just fade back. Much of what's connected online is by my own doing anyway. Me pushing the stop button can EASILY end it all. So I will, which isn't to suggest that's the issue or the question at hand here. That's the aftermath to my Shady at this point...

This place, being the one spot I could KIND OF let loose, still has it's vibrant remnants of an ugly past. I should probably be more cautious, cause you know, I was nothing short of beastly; it's never been my style or my desire. So to change or not to change? I really feel comfortable here, typing out nonsense. Then the trip where that nonsense is portrayed in a language my eyes pleasantly decode... Quite the therapy, and I haven't gotten cryptic. I don't want to, but that comes with mechanisms I can't shake, and I only say that based on what everybody else thinks. I can only be as good as the next person says I am. Such was proved through a monstrous basketball career. Anyway, I'm hurting. I know it, and while I hope to not show it, I'll be holding onto this against my own will. To make this space reflect that, may be unfair. The content is free game though.

Gonna browse some music, I have SO MUCH work to do regarding that alone. Love you if your reading (babe), I'm kind of thinking about going in. Which is crazy, because I just did.

                                                                                ^*_/\(* *

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Or am I just... Senseless?