Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Saturday, February 27, 2010

****** Prelude

I wrote this (not this, but ******) probably about a month ago. As many of you know its taken
me a lot longer than that to actually put it out. Reason being its
super personal. I don't mean these are my stories or whatever but they
are MY thoughts/feelings/and perspectives.

As usual right? Basically, the only difference this time is I turned
my brain off and let whatever was on my mind come out. Again this is
usually what I would do for this blog, but instead of editing the
content I left it as is.

Now most of what's being talked about wass directly relating to how a
specific event/person made me feel. Sometimes multiple events and
people. Sometimes no reason at all other than to clear my mind.

I think its important that anybody that lays eyes on this particular
blog should keep an open mind. You may see some things you don't like
or agree with, but understand its just me speaking my mind. I'd have no
problems further explaining things people get confused about either
(mainly because you'll be confused).

The necessity for me to get this stuff off my chest led to this, and I
hope my constant curiosities lead you all to a different look at me.
Maybe nothing will change but its therapeutic either way.

Its worth noting I'm in a great place, in great spirits. I've faced a
lot of trials these last months that have tested the durability of my
will. In the process of clearing the rest of the smoke out of the way
now, and the picture I'm making out is beautiful.

Painful too. More sacrifices will have to be made amidst more
confusion and misunderstandings, but its what I need to do (I think)
and what I feel is necessary.

Everybody that f*cks with me should know what it is, but sometimes we
need reminders of what we have before we don't have it dig me? I've
been prone to realizations a day late and a dollar short. I know what
people mean to me and all I really want to do is take the love I have
for all of them and make sure its always on display. Through
frustrations and even more trials.

I asked what was more important: time or timing? I still don't know, I
just know every time I'm ready the timing is off. It honestly made me
feel as if God was trying to tell me something.

So instead of fighting it I just chilled way out. I'm seeing things
because I'm not looking anymore. Or things are finding me... 

You have to excuse if I backtrack from this point on. Technology won that round...

That's not to say there aren't problems to be dealt with, but who doesn't
have problems? I'm just trying to say I've found a middle ground with where
I'm at. Which isn't to say i'm content remaining their either. I'm grinding point,
blank, period. My only real concern is if I can do me and still maintain the plans
I have for some of you this summer.

Meanwhile, I'm TOO deep into music right now and I'm loving it. ;)

(It's coming I promise).


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Or am I just... Senseless?