Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Saturday, February 27, 2010


Man these work outs are killing me. If yall need a good trainer and have a 24 hour fitness membership holla at my cousin **************** ***** get you right.

Listen ********* will have you ready you dont haWHen season's over!!! I cant take a trying to get overseas man.....

 yeah holla @ ******************** actually *********** ******* is looking for girls right now **** ******* up asap.

 Not in game shape to be talking to agents...ill wait til i get some game back cause right now i look like shit.....

 Listen ********************* will have you ready you dont have to worry about nothing but showing up to the gym. the agent and game shape will take care of its self.

 Okay...i just went to add *********** again...ill see whatsup!

ve to worry about nothing but showing up to the gym. the agent and game shape will take care of its self.

Close your eyes try override your emotions the verdict isn't chosen
you can change it if you (you'd like) try look through the lies if you can understand
what it is to be close to a man empathize with me he was spose to fam
and the person I am I kinda let sh*t slide and I don't know why you'd I'd realize
I'm really not like them I'm dark they lightskin builts strong they light thin
talented writer ignite excitement to the eyes that ride over the words I write then
that makes me sweeter every time your senses are heightened take that how you
want I aint sharing the candy with you punks aight then? I mean yeah I like them
I guess they are friends for fake or pretend chill  I'm just writing
that's why I'm so hardskinned aint really see no pardons whenever it was on
they was heavily armed shouldn't have to explain my life wasn't really plain
I saw a bunch of things I'm blessed no room for complaints
just making a point mr. private school you couldn't get in the joint
sit back and take aim in case you thought I playing what I meant to be saying
was I had a problem abiding laws that couldn't be explained on every level
'we wouldn't want to support that kind of thinking' I THINK they should be ashamed
more of the shady games rich targeting poor the core minorities before their
foots in the door now who's baddest the saddest part of it all is the power stays
at the top and that sh*t don't never fall and it already feels like all I do is climb
in search of something but if I'm i'm unsure how will I ever find what I put the work in
for? Its in the sky remember though further knowledge is still hindered vibe is right
my mind is centered don't be mad if I get high I'm just avoiding the splinters anyway I can
the prize is in the sky if you can widen your sights you told me you understood
YOU drew up the plan I got in line to find it was for blown expectations

If there's one thing I can admit to hating its failure. It's the feeling that comes with it that I can't take. Some of you always wonder where the hell it is I disappear to every so often. To that I answer with this: It's difficult to move past something your embedded in. I try to put so much of myself into my goals and achievements, I mean, I'm a confident dude right?

At least on the surface anyway... digressing. This isn't me saying I expect to be perfect in everything I set out to do. That's ridiculous and the good Lord knows I'm a flawed individual. I am saying however, that there are some areas in my life I've worked hard in order to allow them to 'flow' a certain way.

Damn hard at that. Can you guess what I'm getting at? Probably 'not', maybe a 'little bit'. It's bigger than one thing tho

So for me imagine my pure jubilation (yea its that deep) when I heard sonic's zone 3 blasting through MY speakers? Or the sound of rings, and some subject matter I could directly relate to? Game over. Literally.

And when I look around I'm in the same place (geographically speaking) with most of the same faces still around. Yet, its different you know? Looks are different. Embraces are different. INTERACTIONS are different. That's a failure to me. I see people I love and continue to love, distance themselves and while its painful as hell, I get it. I guess to them I wasn't providing that same 'flow' I wish to manipulate so much. Naturally people figure out what works best for them in life and try to move towards those things. I've found that in most cases my attitude or perspective on the way things are or should be didn't fit in with the ever-evolving minds of some of my counterparts. Sad. Not because its true (SADly it is). But because I've displayed (to myself) an inability to cope with this change. I'm just thankful its not death... I don't do well with death at all (context clues ya'll). I realize I have subcontiously pushed everybody away in essence creating the very scenario I obsess over (It's that deep).  There's so much information via observation in everyday walks of life that is so easy to overlook. Little details that can mean so much go unnoticed. I think my ambition in specific areas in my life caused me to turn the corners of life with blind eyes. The more I perceive it in this way, the more I can see why relationships have gone the way they have. Ambition can kill spirits indirectly and propell even the purest of intentions away from you. At least that's what I think my experiences have taught me. Unfortunately, this example alludes to an area I've failed and while hindsight serves me well now it's a strong possiblity that the damage done is going to leave a wicked scar (pardon that Boston) incapable of properly healing. IF that's the case I wonder what the future holds. I'm thinking too much.

People feel entitled to too much now. That's how I see it. History doesn't entitle you to sh*t . Of course that can be taken so many different ways, but when I apply it to my own life its simple. In the past I've had some amazing relationships without a doubt. I think I've fallen into the trap of allowing those feelings shared throughout those relationships in the past to give me that sense of entitlement.

(fuck if I know she probably was stuck for a minute or felt that was that I mean my map to hers aint exactly proximal to immediate contact so how would you react? cause I know it aint right late at night in his/her arms you thinking back on the times you used to have but then again it aint that bad you still living having fun just not with the one you you really want bummer right? until a summer night we reunite I was dumb I played it wrong this time I'll get it right and that wasn't a question you fuckin my bestfriend or checkin the next man ridin on his bike and expecting (making) me to be the kickstand is it just for kicks or its a different incentive? if its deliberant hints would've been nice)

(Lil stank ass bitch look at this you see this shit/you got me got me buggin here it is/ its like your in a church pain in your face and your looking down and away because it hurts wishing ears didn't work but the condelences alert your senses and your back to earth human or an animal they both have worth equal to infinity depending who or what's offended or offending its bigger than words I'd find to describe scribe Just Write so I do my life hers and his views perspectives depressive downfalls exceptional achievements expectations greater prestige lives I've sat in it took drinks held chats to get a better knack or stronger backbone for how you react so I can understand when you ask why I zone out and into my own world like it can't be shared I just can't keep dares I'm not prepared to take and rather then make the mistake of being all up in your face I figured I'd wait until I didn't have to be fake two tales and as many fails redemption are you tempted?

Takin steps toward being absolutely me. Felt good, daring, and all that good stuff. Still not quite sure what's going to happen in several areas in my life, but then again who really is? The answer for those who think they are is no one. I mean even if you have the master plan there's always the big homie upstairs that has that Ocean's 11 brilliance down to a 'T' . Point being how God wants it to go it shall go. It's getting harder to be patient when I don't know what I'm waiting for, but finding solice in my passions is mostly what I've tried to do. Unfortunately for you, my interest are mine and I don't let go of those too easily. Like I said I'm getting much better though, big steps have been made and progress is something that can't be measured with one gaze...

At 10:38 I make things so stressful. Less than a minute later I'm

asked if I'm gonna be silent all morning. A response (smart ass one at
that) could have quickly been fired back. For the sake of the
experiment I help my tongue. Why is it a lesser response is taken
negatively? Why is it a response at all is already surrounded by a
prefix that allows for lesser communication in the first place? This
must be one of them damned if u do damned if u don't things (catch 22
duh). Either way I'll continue to 'observe and report'. I know I'm not
crazy shit... Its interesting to not that when speaking is the 'go-to'
method miscommunication is probably soon to follow. Its like do u
really even pay attention? Or are you predisposed from the jump? I
vote the latter and that's sad. I wish people would let opportunities
present themselves and analyze the reality of it all. Not some
preconceived notion

Pardon me its hard when your basically new to the dating scene/trying

to talk free making mistakes speaking too hastily/ your smiling in her
face she's dialing into space/ she's heard this before she know what
your about to say/ dude phrased it better anyway please there no need
to be confused/ she wants to be used you aint have the right tools/
that makes you the 'nice fool' should've took up night school/ or at
least a day class to teach your ass how to keep from being outclassed/
timing is everything you gotta outlast/ clever lines for dumber minds
game time/but you'll lose playin by their rules you gotta choose/ a
new method of attack is probably something I'd be looking into/i aint
hear it but figured it out anyway/ it is what it gotta be and that's
good for anyday/ wish I knew my spectacular few of the backs of the
few/that went away came back acting brand new like they learned it
straight from a class opposite of what i just recommended to you/
let me stop I have some issues too/ few missing screws/
that's why I enlist in empathy your sorrows pimpin me/ but your pain
is tempting me

Ehhh not with it but music's music I can't complain. I'm breathing so
I see the light my horizon's something I'm privileged to lay eyes on
even boxed in by these four walls I get my fly on. Just ignore the
rest got my tie on all business sky's on some left sh*t that's where
I'm living but ya'll aint get it fashion senseless so at a mention my
minds drifting and found admittance through song just a listen takes
me back it feels so long nothing wrong no regrets we got the tree
split the sticks bump don't forget jay-z end the text with 'bet'. But
no 808's and heartsbreaks that shit offsets any bitterness still there
cause your all truly missed a pound for my niggas kiss for my ladies
it wasn't goodbye no I think we just gotta believe deadass and just to
keep you SERIOUSLY at last I can I see an atlas to direct you to my
vicinity at least within it just please lend me the strength to
handle my responsibilities when you land or plant your 2 feet we're
gonna find plants in varieties and stock up alcohol for ridiculous
availability keep the fighting to a minimum we're trying have fun but
I get it overstand in fact so if you throw down leave it at that 2
fists and no Judas' in truth we bid a bond that transcends even blood
its really all I ever thought of cared for prepared for but in the end
found out a declaration wasn't enough just love but never that right
there again wrong for that its never for sure it just is escorted
where you live on delivery from the tv its just that easy if your
looking a tangent dammit I'm gone people I'm hooked in

Its as awkward as it has to be unless u figured it was nothing for me

to confess what you mean to me hopefully you did I dream big
persistent put someone else in this position by my own admission u got
a brother nuts I'm stuck on love just need attention. Or I REALLY want
it cause I'm here just so distanced thinking about the time and that's
when I get to tripping cause in my mind time stops for you or rather
us so I'm confident as f*ck I know the place well the taste of your
lips how soft your skin feel when to replace gettn f*cked with making
love or vice versa sh*t who knows I just imagine it. That's damaging
when I can't picture you without him. Him being whoever isn't me.. So
what's a day or two for you nothing but a week got me wanting speak
nothin but I'm still waitin

I hate boredom in life when I'm bored I just write like alex used to
be didn't understand too well thought I already knew the deal and
well...? Circumstances at a glance is the observation of a naïve
romantic. And I can keep it real with or without a girl I aint got a
chick but if I did I'd be the politician politicin cause that's all
this shit is. so I slid. What happened yeah I was gone gettin in tune
with what I was overlapped in. Never been no over acting I'm as
deadass as my game after a week straight of practice. That's why I
don't mind the chatter even if it turns to laughter. If you anything
you matter so miss me you bastards. Man I don't know if they see it
and don't believe it like they forgot my achievements yea I'm halfway
decent at everything but I don't brag. Its about to get live times 5
but my apologies to those without dads. Ya'll fantasies too light I
seen a story about my life called 'the notebook'. I'm like yoooo look
pain struggle and heartbreak I paid attention grabbed my notebook and
did I mention I got my notes took? Well not really its (kinda) like a
metaphor (these dudes trendy with similes break down the door) the
movie the notes

A familiar feeling got a beat I'm feeling not got a girl I'm feeling
she already know got a nick name keep it on the low did I say it?
Woulda rhymed it though got a voice I'm hearing that's peering into
the hole you left some time ago crazy but whoa I set it all to explode
here's how the story's told young nigga dumb nigga but plenty bold.
Mix it all together as a whole you got enough for the system to get a
hold of aahh man nigga hold up the way the heat slappin from the
speaker got me ready to speak up the aint been the same since I
misplaced them beats daaaammnnn but fuck it new fitted and a soon be
kitted whip drivin with that sky precision me and jess usually r2 got
the back seat we recall he listens

Man there be times when life just give you those moments to enjoy.

Whether you enjoy them or not is really on you. But f*ck that man, I'm
just trying to live life to the fullest. Things are never going to go
the way I want them to 100 percent of the time. Its been past time for
me to take some things. (Some people). Point being enjoy this sh*t but
don't get lost up in it. Dig me? I guess the walls have to come down
after all...

a beautiful person; that of which is consumed in greatness; usually has nice hair; loves attention; chooses hardcore over normality; friendly yet bitchy; easy to get along with; creative; the leader of the pack; not easily put down; determined; a non hate-ful person; not easily jealous; content with the matter of life; loves relationships; not as friendly with the same gender as opposed to the male species;smart; daring; and fearful of nothing.

dig me tho!? lol

I really dnt want u to take tht convo the wrong way. Thts y I'm
apologizing for how I was trying to communicate. Truth be told today
isn't the best day for me n tht frustration is over-apparent. I'm not
going to act like I agree with what you said but I can respect it and
respect the fact that yes I'm 23 years old (we were 'celebrating' my
bday after all) and responsible for my own things possessions $
actions etc. My problem isn't that I feel you are somehow partially
responsible for my belongings. Its the way you reacted to my
admittedly emotional phone conversation. I mean I wasn't crying but I
was crying lol... I'm just saying I used to think everybody had me like I had them. That's just
not the case anymore. I would've handled it differently point blank.

Don't u ever wonder what it is or rather what it won't b? I see you in
dreams photos and websites and ask when you gon want me? I should be
sad cause in the past I knew deep down the attention I had grasped
wouldn't last. These dudes is bad from the female's perspective I see
em and laugh but they see me and walk past look past my poindexter ass
my head down eyes focused on the path I'm currently walking around. I
could be them G women until the number of those who caught feelings
grew endless but I'm not them so tell me can I kiss you when I see
you? I know we're not official but that's never been an issue... For
you. It eats away at me though. These niggas easy and so simple I sink
them like free throws but they still appeal to you females.. Over me
now I gotta get over grief because things aint working out how their
supposed to be. Your close to me jusT not as close as we should.. f*ck
that before I would look at it like its somethin destined to be hand
wrapped and set perfectly in plain sight ( I mean thats them dudes I
walk around with a crack in my shoes but its cool I don't care see I'm
me everywhere would you care if I aint have confidence to spare? I'm not
cocky I just yo read up there)

You gotta know my mind's beneath a heavy base deep and away from most

all the company you keep. Seemingly sleep unaware to sleek talk slick
trips to pick up digits young stuff I did it just know I'm with it
dig? Meaning I see what it is don't think I slip for a minute. Ever I
practically studied the guide to clever lies black arts and backdoor
tactics seen it applied to a batch of chicks some I'm sad to say I
know today not cause I'm ashamed I just don't understand why it had to
be that way but that's another case love the grudge remains but that
puts no restrains on truth who's is actually true doesn't matter in my
eyes cause that's exactly where it lies.but like a game of 21 gettin
fouled to the hole its whatever though no up tops some down lows hoes
try to hate dudes relate but they fake so they the same who's to blame
what I mess with these clowns for? Past 3 rounding the corner into
round 4 my inner circle burst but I still try to make it work if long
distance was a curse I might understand the hurt I aint forget our
purpose and for what it's worth I kinda think a plane trip across some
earth may be what I need and bring some kind of peace to me

(Thanks for waiting).


_ _

1 comment:

  1. dude rebel if i see any where i will kill real talk. if i see any where muthafucker.



Or am I just... Senseless?