Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Sunday, May 16, 2010

don't front for me

This blog is gonna be a monster! Lol how many times running is that now?? Anyway I'm only feeling that way cause I feel like I have enough to write about to last a long while. I wouldn't lie to you (purposefully) now!

'For you and me tomorrow's not promised' - Mos Def

So just as I started to set into my reliance on technology it showed why I should forever remain fearful. Losing stuff I weite is familiar territory for me though so I guess just deal with it.

Just sick of the double standards!

'What's next to me never seems to be what's best for me. Exception...' - Jean Grae

It is what it gotta be I suppose. I gotta say I've been feeling some kind of way about the people I'm grinding with. I mean I know the work I'm putting in with and without them... Its just part of me feels like its my time now.

Listening to this old Weezy 'the youngn' (500 degreez) lol this n*gga was ill yo. It got me thinking about where he's at now and how he's allegedly been living his life. I guess people can only put up with so much for so long before they drastically change to find the acceptance they're looking for. Possibly self contentment.

All I'm trying to say is in some kind of way his ambition drove his desire for our love in some sick way.. I'd want to be high and f*cked up all the time if I didn't like my reality..

Not to say he's wack now, he's just really not at all what he was. Everybody kept alil something *shrugs* pause pause.

.I've been meaning to check out this *new* Diggy Video. The one I saw was crazy! (Did I post it already?) Over Nas' made you look. Kid's nice like I said. Speaking of which when are we getting that remix Lupe??

All-City Chess Club let's go!

This past night I prior to waking up (maybe.. Not sure). I had a conversation with my sub consciousness.

Anybody ever have dreams you can't remember? This was kind of like that, just not a dream and I remember it kind well *shrugs*.

Well, not really. I was asked a question with 3 options. All I remember the outcome being was my mind made up to believe 'it doesn't matter cause they don't care'. Boom! I'm awake. Heavy stuff? Lol chiiiilll.

There could be more on my end. All I know is I remembered it and it definitely wasn't a dream. More like an internal struggle if I'd classify it. Whatever the case I think its safe to say its psychological. I just what to understand what before I can delve into why.

happy church day! For those going. I'm right here clearly NOT going but there's a reason for that. 'Turtle the Heathen' lol. Nah I love God I just want my faith and beliefs to be ultra strong across the board.

*the board consists tentatively of*

Spirituality, Love, Family, Friends, Desires, Ambitions, Self Appreciation/Belief = Self Understanding, Self Depreciation/ Regulation = Self Discipline

{*Lord let her stay sleep! (My voice is too deep! :/)*}

Of course each group has its own unique subgroups, that may or may not tie into another 'theme of the board'. My point being all these themes are NOT on an equal playing field in my head. For me, its hard to give 1 area immediate and full attention if I'm already weary of the product and who's selling it.

'Fear is a queer if you stick our your rear' - CH. Right??

Well there's no opportunity for me to get *ss raped here. I'm taking baby-steps all across the board. Well I have been but whatever. Especially when the subject at hand is religion.

I'm a spiritual person. I love God. I do not love the church. Why you ask? Its simple, I can't readily identify where my spiritual beliefs have taken advantage of any one group of people ever. I can't say the same thing about the church.

Likewise, I CAN say I've been to churches (my own in some cases) and sat there feeling like someone behind the scenes was playing all of us for fools. Fear of 'the man' maybe.

'Jones'n for poetry instead of the dough. I mean hey, ya know? Even the pope needed dome. I'd just rather a b*tch than grabbing the d*ck of a 3-yr-old' - CH.

Basically for now I'm perfectly happy searching for my own religious answers. I have a Bible I know how to read and interpret, who knew? I have Muslim homies, they like to talk lol. My eyes and ears are open.

I'd LIKE to find a comfortable Sunday spot, but when that happens I won't go blindly following what's being preached. Every n*gga I know be preaching lol dead*ss.

*people can be so ignorant sometimes. Its unnacceptable when you don't try to see the truth for what it is. That's when I cross over and ditch the nice words and settle comfortably on Idiot. Thanks*

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