Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Monday, November 29, 2010

Lovely Dovey

I like Doves.

Direct result of witnessing very influencing media as a child, but nah, when I wake up and see doves I feel at peace (Guess what movie shaped this outlook for me). They say don't use 'very'... I listen because I'm a student of writing, but I don't agree. So like all things disagreeable, it goes on my blog. English is a tough 1 to get down though, so it's only right (in my eyes) to admire those who have an above average mastery of it.


Just don't look for it here lol.

Feels peaceful this morning and I love it. Got everything that needed to be done out the way before the sun kissed my eyes, and now that we are grossly involved in an intense make out session I feel it's best to pay attention to the little details. Can't be sloppy-moppin it up when I hit center stage. Which is to say I need to be on point before others can catch me leaning.

Even the entries are back to being full of thoughtfulness and unknown unabashed hope for something greater. LOVE when I'm in this zone, and Rough n Rugged does too. I swear I forgot the name of my berry, and I apologize, we've been through too much to go out like this. Really. Time brings evolution, which is a fancy way of saying sh1t won't be the same it was a year from now. Accept it, dissect it (that's what I'm good at), and keep it moving in your lane right?

Gotta think of better names... Rubin is still good though.

I have some pretty awesome friends. Yeah, they're all female and yes that does cause problems, but I can't honestly complain. I've been stuck thinking about what I want and complaining about what I don't have. It's getting much easier to see what's in front of me and that's a blessing right there. Should they need something I would do my best to provide, but it's always been that way when I'm in a position to. For now, I hope my words and kind interactions suffice and when the time comes, their little 1's are going to have a positive male to look up to.

I have Jess and her family, which means I have family! More family lol, mine has been regulated to very small numbers. The thing about family is you can't get rid of them, you can't erase the fact that they are related to you. Extended family shouldn't be the same way, but in my heart I know what it is with those guys too. For now, I'm happy to say I got 2 G'd up little brothers. Lol they killers with you all (ladies), and that annoys many while allowing me to smile. Big plans for them. BIG PLANS. Jess, you may just be the craziest girl I've ever met. Maybe, but I love you.

Marley!! Haaaaa what else needs to be said after that? She's the biggest dookie this side of the map and she LOVES me like no other. I swear she has healing powers. Just acknowledging God's slyness.

Anyway productivity is the aim again today. I've started off alright, might have lost some time getting lost in my writing spell and then this entry... However it's okay. 1st game of the season tonight! OD excited, hardware year!! Wait, I have kids too! Little brothers and kids with kids... Wow.

Hinted about... a year ago (lmao dead*ss though look it up) gonna start doing some work with visuals. Got a special place for us to go and think on the abstract we see around us, and a place where English majors and professors can go to kiss my insanities ass. I want a living room with the best entertainment system installed in it for EVERY1! that's a lot more wishful thinking than it is a possible reality (I can't control what ya'll do, not even the reading of these words), but then again,I'm tired of people shooting down my imagination...

I'm gonna rant for minute. Just because the harsh realities of life are all around us doesn't mean we have to succumb to them. Resiliency is a trait I've been proud to carry around with me, and until recently I let people chip away at it. That's wack in itself, but I know I fell victim of 'believing the hype'. Never again. I don't care how grim a situation looks I won't allow another's outlook to shape my own when I can't understand or agree with where they are coming from. Not malicious, its just I'm trying to build myself back up to where I feel I should be.

Margot told me to literally say what I was thinking out loud, and it wasn't pretty at all. I did learn that I had issues beyond where I was at currently though. It made me want to take a step back (and I did), reevaluate everything (check), and figure out the root of the problem... you know that caused the other problems to "sprout" (done). It is what it is (*or what it gotta be* ;) Ultimately, your going to either take, accept, or change your situation.

Damn I almost forgot starchasers lol they are by far the most OD of any fan base I've ever encountered, but I love them for their ability to connect in unison over a common goal. Definitely helped me through some nights. BluStar. whatup!!? All starchasers are welcome at any time.

Chris is doing what he's doing, living around those that are deceitful liars at best. I don't know how he puts up with it, cause I wouldn't but more power to him too.

I would LOVE a huge favor for any1 reading this, but specifically the people I interact on a regular basis (had to stop and think of if any of our interactions are very 'regular' based lol). If you could give me 1 of your favorite artists, and from that person 1 of their bodies of musical work to listen to. Doesn't matter what it is, album, compilation, mixtape, soundtrack, whatever. Just give me an artist of your liking, it'll make for some interesting convo's some time down the road.

Positivity positivity positivity! I'm positive staying in this mind state will elect greater happiness to the forefront of my existence for myself and those around me.

Musical pallet is now shifting very slowly from punk rock to a smoother softer country scene. Rubin is handling it all as I expected, and I thank him.

Writing... I'd like to say I've gotten, or am getting better, but I don't believe that to be the case. THAT sucks! Lol I'm not happy about laughing at myself due to my stagnancy with the pen and pad, but positivity will reign. As it WILL rain. prophetic type sh1t.

I am getting better at talking to myself. Lol sounds weird but that's exactly what it is. It's amazing what you can train your mind to do. adapting words at a rapid rate gives me a new kind of rush, and I can't wait to show some1 with some confidence. a week's worth of more time with myself and I may be ready. SMH I just thought of about 5 different ignorant scenarios that could occur due to my confidence in my brashness with words. They all seemed exciting (camera time).

Hungry, laundry, more writing. Gotta get it in, Ionno when you'll hear from me in the future again, but my past tells a story those close to me might be interested in. I mean 'Wild Misinformation' any1?? Sasha thank you 1,000 times for taking the time to read, and then comment lol I read and I don't like leaving comments, so I know. But thank you, it's greatly appreciated.

I have goals to set now. See me when you see me!

*Unedited cause we don't edit sh1t in the future*
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