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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

VACATION'S OVER and I'm about to go so f*ckin hard!!

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Forget the videos, music, and pictures. All you need to do is pay attention to my words.


My hiatus is officially over. That means I'm fully accessible again (sorry Squishy you were like a half hour too early lol). First, let me just send this out.. Michelle Hill I hope your doing ok, a phonecall is needed and will happen as early as.. Today, (almost said tomorrow time check lol)you should be mad at me too! Just know, I have been thinking and praying about/for your family k? Ok, next let me just address the Kansas kids as a whole. Guys/Girls I love you all. My absense wasn't really anything against any of you, please hear me when I say that.

Really I just needed the time for myself. I needed to really get away from Kansas mentally, and plan out my next few moves. Like I said, nothing against any of you, its just well... Your constant reminders of that which I had yet to fully put behind me. Dig? Love you guys to death, but things that happened, and how they happened out there really angered me. Not to the point where I would act out,(you know kicking screaming blah blah)just a deep brooding anger. I don't think a lot of you understand HOW much I WANTED to be there.

AFTER I saw how we as basketball players were treated.
AFTER I realized the perks we DIDN'T have.
AFTER I witnessed the love we DIDN'T get.

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AFTER ALL of THAT, I STILL wanted to be there!

*For the Record*
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Things were promised to us prior to us actually being there, so while it seems like b*tching and whining, I'm just breaking down the truth in it all.

*Back to the point*
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I remember conversations early in the year where we would sit around and talk about how the year was GOING to go. Or at least how we thought it was going to go. We all loved basketball so much, the passion in those conversations was CRAZY! Lol we would go on and on, I wish I had it recorded to share it with you all. To avoid getting into a deep tangent, I'll try and get to the point. I feel like we were fed a lie, I mean, if any of you saw any of the games it was painfully obvious SOMETHING wasn't right. I'm not trying to say what that was or wasn't, just that things weren't carried out how I was told they were going to be.

For me, it was just really frustrating. The whole year I felt like I was doing everything that was asked of me, and in return it seemed like I fell more and more out of touch with my coaches. Not even focusing on the fact that I wasn't being used in any way that was effective for our team or myself. I began to feel trapped in a situation that wasn't improving regardless of what I tried to do. I found coping methods that I myself, got lost in when my roommate was kicked off the team.. Sh*t just wasn't right. (Tangent...)

(Summing up..)
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Things got worse, and really all I had were my Kansas kids, my baby Marley, and MUSIC!! (that's the collective group of you all organized under one name I created lol) the thing about you Kansas kids is this. Coming home, and thinking about you all, made me reflect on my entire year. Every time that happened I became angry (again not the crazy angry) I had this hate in my body just boiling under the service. So instead of ignoring it, (cause that's kind of what I did ALL year) I decided to take time off (or away) and deal with it. So yes, my "vacation" was needed, and yes it helped quite a bit. I feel rehabilitated (almost)without the sense of losing what made going through that whole ordeal valuable to me in the long run. (the life lesson..) If that makes any sense to any of you. Hope it does, but if it doesn't (whatever) <-- You already know! lol

*DEAD ASS lol never gonna get old...*

I underestimated the pressure I would feel coming back home. I mean, I knew I wasn't happy with the year, I just didn't want/feel like explaining that to people who were expecting so mucn. I don't have an answer as to WHY it all went the way it did, and I hate making excuses, so it went the way it did and that was that. Not that I really had anything to prove to anyone else, because people that really know me know there had to be something else to the whole equation explaining what happened this year. I did WANT to prove something to myself, and I think I did a pretty good job doing that thus far. I hit the ground running basically, and already, I've had to alter what I perceive to be my inner circle.

That in itself really does suck, but I'm sure things will change in time. The fun part? It'll probably be caught on camera. Starting today, People will be following me with cameras (I told ya'll it was going down!!) documenting this long journey I'm starting (today) towards something HUGE! Can't exactly tell you what though, now's not the time for all that. Just know I'm GOING IN! the title wasn't for show. Today is the end of my vacation, and the start of the real grind.


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*WTF does that mean?*

For starters, ORGANIZATION! I'm going to be ON A SCHEDULE. People are either going to have to get with it or get left. So yes, I anticipate losing even MORE inner circle dwellers (...? lol F it..). I'll be up early at the same time every morning (to workout/lift/shoot) <<-- set number MADE every morning before I leave. Go Back to the gym in the afternoon at the same time every day to actually play ball. Finally, one more trip every night to workout/lift/shoot/run (actual running..). Every day, same schedule. Yes I left huge gaps of time out of the day, because really the gaps at this point and time aren't apart of the grind.

*I've got my blackberry Calendar set and task alerts on*

Yeah, I'm going to be very busy, tired, whatever. I'm STILL going to have complete control over my blog. Run it how I want to update it daily (more than once I'm sure), and find time to communicate with my Kansas kids (oh and the people here lol ya'll know who you are). Relationships have to be strengthened because more people need my time, and I need to experience what they have to offer. Bias (of time) in this case isn't really an option, nor should it be a problem that causes any kind of stress in my life. So I think we're good.

*Things YOU should know*

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I want this to work, and allow me to communicate with you all easily. Here's the deal, (Michelle listen up you didn't follow the rules last time!) In the event that I'm at the gym (lol umm yeah.. you know I'll be there so PAY ATTENTION), and you want to contact me. the best way to have any sort of lasting conversation or consistent rebuttal from myself is to EMAIL ME. Reason being, I'm not going to be in a position to sit with my phone in text back and forth, let alone hold a conversation (talking). I can email back though, it allows me to collect my thoughts and not send short pointless messages back (Squishy you get the point??), which I don't like writing (Because their pointless..), and I'm sure you don't like receiving (Because.. you get it lol).

*Your key to communication*

KingxPoetic@aol.com

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Probably going to change it, and create a new email JUST for emailing all of you back. In the event that I do that you'll know via.. something lol. I won't leave you all in the dark though. (Gotta say sorry to Kiki she's the only one that actually followed the email rule the first time lol) I'll be on facebook, myspace, and twitter periodically throughout the day so you can hit me on there too (I'll do much better promise).

For those of you that don't know I'm still TURTLE! Don't get it twisted this is me on repeat and a fire lit under feet! I'm so focused!! More details and plans coming to ya'll soon.. (have we figured out this is all basketball related yet? lol)
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I think that all about sums it up. If you got through it all thank you. Let's kick this summer off the right way, its going to be an interesting one. Gone!

Rebel2Society

5 comments:

  1. It all makes sense now. Glad to have you back. I look forward to seeing it all turn out the way you planned.

    Good Luck Christoper!

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  2. awwww thanks kiki! u read it.. Fast! lol It'll work out.. I should be sleep smh

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  3. ok first im glad u got back to HAPPY TURTLE!!!!! 2nd i really wanna see all of da videos of u doin yo shit...minus a couple u already kno. 3rd and the BIGGEST OF ALL u will NOT refer to me as a KANSAS KID!!! im from MISSOURI nigga and i gotta name!!!!

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  4. It has been too long. The anonymous warrior here lol. The way you were talking about everyone talking about ball preseason, was exactly on point and it's crazy to think about. And I think an outsider looking in would have thought something was wrong with us, lol which there was(although it's hard to put a finger on what exactly). You sound like you living and breathing basketball this summer, honestly don't know if I could do it on that level, maybe back in high school when things was different lol, you can probably relate. You hooping somewhere next year I take it, where at? And hate to break it to you on your Lakers, Turkoglu is going to get BUCKETS. Magic in 6(wishful thinking). lmao.
    ZQ

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  5. I'm glad you can remember it how I did lol, at least your not going to have to deal with that staff much longer (hopefully). But yeah man I'm taking it back to them high school days lol. No word on schools yet though, I'm just gonna be a free agent for while, enjoy this freedom while I can. In your smoking on some good talkn about Orlando in 6 lol. LA bout to whoop them boys!

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DO I MAKE SENSE YET!?

Or am I just... Senseless?