U read it. Great. Now 'why is all you focus on the negative' Excuse me. IF you read this blog and the entries you focus on are negatively written and you feel you may or may not be the subject of that, get over yourself. I don't say that because you AREN't the subject, sh1t you very well may be. I say it because if all you can take out of this blog, out of the 500+ entries found here is that I'm "upset" with you over an issue, than you don't need to f*ck with me. Suicidal thoughts and tendencies take a backseat to your feelings huh? It'd be 1 thing if it was some blatant sh1t. Which has never (maybe once) been posted here, but for the most part I keep everything general like the f*cking military. How can YOU single yourself out? I wish ya'll blogged more then once a f*cking year I know that much. It'd be nothing to take what you dished out. I used to, but then ya'll stopped. Well ok, do me a favor. Don't come to the 1 place I go to get everything out and criticize me for speaking my mind... TO MYSELF? The F*ck? I wouldn't go into your room grab your diary read through it and be like damn your really lonely huh? Well why did you call me a b1tch*ss N1gga on page 52? That's not right, I can't believe you would refer to me like that! Come on x1000! Not only does it show your thinking is incredibly limited, what's worse is it shows even more how selfish you are. When I f*ck up royally, I have to take a long hard look at the man in the mirror. No1 else. I put the onus on me and me alone. I don't see how it can be any other way. Of course when 2 or more parties are involved 'faults' tend to become lost in translation, and your communication already SUCKS so what's that make them? That's why you have the answers. Sure you need to consult and agree to disagree, blah blah, all of the basic relationship fodder. However, if you haven't looked at yourself and answered whether or not your willing/ready to be in a relationship like this than your doing yourself AND your partner a huge disservice. No doubt about that. I've fast discovered who I am, and who I want to be. So it's a matter of executing that vision until I see what I see in my head, standing in front of the mirror.
*And after all that rhyming if I refer to you as a she, N1ggas would call this Common*
It's like no matter what I do what I describe what I say i'm feeling, at the end of the day if I so much as brush upon something that 'conflicts' with your views. Not only am I in the wrong, I am grouped into past mistakes, past examples, males in general, etc. It's truly ridiculous. Ladies if you do have a good dude, well there's no real way of knowing that. If you have a dude that TRIES makes visible effort then make it work. Otherwise you really don't care and your selfish for not allowing him to enlighten his and or some1 else's life. I liken this to a college level team. If you allow the Freshman to start as a Freshman there are Seniors and Juniors who aren't going to get that same chance. But what if your starting the Freshman and he's NOT producing? Players are grumbling, the team isn't doing near as well as it should be. The coach would have to have an unbelievable leap of faith to see that decision all the way through. Now imagine months go by with the season going this way. People would be outraged... Why is a relationship any different. I know I've reached an edge where it's like yo are you smilin' dude? 'Nah' You happy man? 'I don't really know' What's the plan? 'I guess wait and see if it changes' Didn't you do that months ago?
Believe I'm being pestered now. For this very sh1t. I don't care, it's wrong to tell some1 who's expressed everything that ever meant something to them in a private free verse manner.
F it. All.