My angel

Michelle you are 1 of many angels God has sent to watch over me. The leader maybe. Regardless of your stature I feel closer to you than ever before. Thanks and I love you.



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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

HeroHaloIiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I can flip shit anyway I kick it to myself when I tune in to my fitted. I show others and they don't get it, understanding is quite missed. But still, I find my shield in my own solace. So fuck how you feel aint been change in my wallet since I dropped out of college. Like knowledge is something I don't need to acknowledge cause the gems they was dropping had no keys for unlocking my mind. Like a broke locket you wouldn't find a picture even if you knew the scripture to unlock it. I guess that doesn't mean it's broke just means you probably should've tried to spot it before you bought it and was the butt of this joke.




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If I remembered my rambling that cause this we might be onto something. Halo is ill though, that I know with confidence. Looking back I know I was hurt a lot of truth that normally wouldn't came out. Sooooooo that means pain. I'm tired of others hurting around me, and exhausted from the physical pain I feel that may or may not be in my head. Regardless my body hurts in places that leaves me less than wasted feeling like I'm nothing near basic but still tripping as if somebody laced it.



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-/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Just say it please

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I struggle with whether or not your listening, then I struggle with whether or not I'm wrong. Taken but not forgotten. Gone but not taken. Whatever. I'm here, taken or not. Never mind what my imagination says we are or could be, knowing that the reality is we could've been. The 1 I'm with clueless...

But I may not be with her or any1 for that matter, could be with you but then I'd really come across as foolish.


Time will tell I guess.

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Time is tight though. I'm patient.

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-/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Careful...

Appearance is important. Yet I do not care about appearance. I have a need to care about how you all see me appear to be in your eyes. Such is necessary for monetary purposes. Yet and still, I do not care. Simply because I don't know who I am to each of you individually, but I know it's not who I AM.

I was talking to a very beloved friend of mine and a concept of ownership was brought up (whether she knows it or not). Well, feelings and ownership... Basically it's not fair to say that I can't love what I can't/don't have. Word??? In the case of others and the image you uphold in your head, how can you really be sure you have the 1 you "fell in love with" anyway if the image you hold onto is the 1 in your head. Confusing...

Stay with me in my head things play out much more.... *sighs*

I am not the same person I was a day ago.

If the above statement is true, and it is. Imagine how much I've changed in a months time. 4 months. Half a year. Now a full year. Obviously we can continue on, but the point is I've changed a lot. For some of you while I know why I am appealing to you I question why I would remain so after all that we've been through. (Guilty)

I question if the person you miss is me, or if it is in fact the memory you had of me that I once fulfilled. Well, I don't question it I know that's what it is. That in itself hurts to come to terms with, but the truth is many of you would turn your noses up in disgust. While I'm stuck being disgusted with stuff I try to bury within me.

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Not a great feeling when you feel like you aren't you anymore. Even worse when you have to face those that loved the old you, in spite of the 1's that know the new you and aid your transformation daily.

Let me chill. I'm focused with what I want to say, just not sure it should be said. So I won't I'll chill, but I'm hurting. I don't think I've ever came out and said that outright, but that's what it is. I'm in so much pain. Some of it was just bad breaks, a lot of it self inflicted, hence why I haven't said anything. But f*ck even junkies need help, and well... Ya'll just pray for me when/if this ever gets to you.

I need to go find my own help, and I FEEL like I need things to help me deal with what I'm feeling. That alone is a terrible demon to deal with. I think about the things I was, or how I used to deal with discomforting pain and my memory conveniently fades. When it comes back in I realize it wasn't so much what I was doing, but who I was with. What I was doing didn't even matter but my pain has always been padded by the walls of my friends aka extended family.

Anyway I'm real dolo these days, so it's hard to care what some non exec n1gga thinks about what I look like when I'm surrounding myself by what makes me comfortable. I'm past the physical aspect of trying to appeal, and I've found that money really has no place for me at the moment. Bills will be paid the rest will be played with type of sh1t...


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Every1 seemed to forget how hard I go with my playful sh1t like I wasn't a playful kid through all this. Well, I have no problem jogging memories, I just hate jogging... Or any running for that matter. Know well that while doing what I hate, and at the same time giving you a taste I'm so far gone into what I just made. ... And n1ggas talk to me about drugs, well I'm off those.


I do get it now though (speaking to no 1 specifically) and my appreciation for 'it' has only risen. People are as fickle as can be, and I love people, what's that make me?

Nothing too deep, just a fickle people lover that can't let go... Or a teacher.




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-/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Nasty humble pie

haugh·ty   
[haw-tee] Show IPA
–adjective, -ti·er, -ti·est.
1.
disdainfully proud; snobbish; scornfully arrogant; supercilious: haughty aristocrats; a haughty salesclerk.
2.
Archaic . lofty or noble; exalted.




*understanding*


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-/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Looking into it... (pt.1)

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-/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

wild misinformation

Stressed and sleepless overthinking weaknesses within us, while trying to forget saying "I give up". Not knowing what to do next regretting depending on you the way I do. Cause 'you' is cool, it's the bag of heavy luggage that your drudging through my good intentions that got me spent. Selfishness. I carry twice as much just to stay in touch, and you stay in touch with complaints aimed at me. Basically because the company I try to keep. "That's unfair" I always fix my mouth to speak those words, but no matter how right I think I am you retort it's something you don't deserve. I agree, reluctantly, but (curve)swerve with my nerves after being burnt by broken promises. Enthusiasm curbed, and we're both left a little more hurt than we previously were. While we decline to rewind back to learn. We rewind back and repeat the same acts, I guess it's more so 'lesson burned'. My weapon, my words. Earned by dissecting what's around me, cause jokes always found me. People always clowned me, I sunk down and soaked it in. Told myself if I could help it I'd never be soaked again. Grabbed a pen, got it in, and in time what I couldn't hold in hit you and that was never my intentions. Ever. But now, forever I'm stuck, thinking of violence and such that should have never been us. Ever!!



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It's finally here.

"Pay close f*cking attention..."


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-/Rebel2Society\-v(**)