Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Kiki reminded me (with love)...

Kiki reminded me why the list was ro be destroyed. Needing help and wanting it are 2 important themes of this Blog. Needing and wanting attention aren't. Flat out as that. The fact that you must be alerted before deciding to 'fuck' with the blog says a lot. No need to feel guilty it just is what it is. You go out of sight long enough and the rest will surely follow. Meaning I won't be on any1's mind. Quite honestly as much as it pains me to see that come true I wouldn't have it any other way. My door is f*cking down the street the same place its always been so no I don't worry about saying f*ck you to those that deserve it. Rest easy if you can't even touch me lol.

Honestly.... Tired of honesty. Or being entrapped in a perspective that lends no path to truth. Basically when we start drifting apart it is what it is. Its no longer problematic, I've clocked it down to a science. The amount of me that I have to give in order to stay 'relevant' in your minds isn't even necessarily possible from my end. That tells me get your flags out and let them match my hands. At least we'll both FEEL like we're on the same page, but take a closer look and its clear we are communicating different messages.

Kiki not at all upset or angry with you, I know the tone of my messages and this blog might suggest otherwise (sidenote: though often wrong you CAN assume the tone of a txt message). I just want those that should forget to forget and move on. You know "they say if you love it..." Type sh1t.
I am not looking for a brighter neon sign saying 'Look at me!'. Not at all, unless the act of watching/observing is something you have decided you want to do... Or need to do. Its whatever at this point. I say f*ck whoever because I know where its gone and I know where I've brought it back to. I'm so much better off then I was and that needs to start counting for something (to myself). So long to go but guess what? I can kind of see where I'm goin at the moment, couldn't say that 2 weeks ago.

Sorry if it seems grim, because it's coming from a place that houses the possibility of hope. Still kicking, hitting, and missing. Just not in your face. I expect this to be the last time many of you hear or read a clear direct response from me, and I dealt with how that felt before my thumbs got exercising. Know though it IS all love, and this isn't me turning my back as much as it is looking at the turned backs smh, and walking my own path (again).
Don't know what this will mean for all of us, I have my fingers crossed for a few and already mourned the relationships that died because of this stupid sh1t. I'm still holding on though. Is it still all love??

*I found the answer where selfishness cannot exist*

So HONESTLY f*ck what happens to me.

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Or am I just... Senseless?