Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Sunday, April 24, 2011


I see people are quite comfortable on the internets with their significant others. Me too. lol smh... Starting to get the feeling the ultimatum was me damn. That WOULD suck, and if that is the case where's the loyalty? It's all good some decisions are harder to come by than others I know that much, so I can't hold too much against any1.

I still think about if I could do it. I mean I've done it but always been open to interaction. Like if I was contacted cool, I'm not pursuing the interaction though. Relationships... U gotta be willing to conform right? So if the other was just dead*ss not cool with something then you have to come to some sort of agreement before both parties can move on healthily.

That's where I messed up. I was, or thought I was ok with something I wasn't. I can say I haven't thrown any friends under the bus that didn't f*cking go throw themselves out into the middle of the f*cking highway during Rush hour. Lord that was dumb of you. Which is to say I've never ever turned my back on a friend. I can hardly think of when I've turned my back on an enemy. It's just not in me.

You can become an enemy if that's what your aiming for. That would be hurtful, a lot is going to be hurtful regardless there's just no turning away from that; but malicious intent? Not too sure I could ACCEPT it like I have in the past.

I'm trying to get to a point where I'm accepting less and dealing with more. Meaning I don't want your bs, I don't want to kill everything I'm doing to accommodate your plans. Next, after acceptance is dealing with being by myself.

Clarification is needed.

In a relationship, physical or not (friendship) both people are aware that they have somebody to lean on. They can confide in that person... Think of it like an extra bullet in the chamber. So let's say you had plans to do something and they got cancelled, well you know you have that bullet in the chamber. You can fire off your gun and possibly hit a target of relevance(No 1 love). When you don't have those relationships you don't have those extra bullets in the chamber.


So while I may tend to spend the majority of my time alone, I always, ALWAYS have the option of that person. Not having that option will take extreme getting used to. I'll do it if need be because that's what humans do, live and adapt or die. I'm not ready to die, I think I might, but I'm not ready yet.

The thing about life that I undoubtedly love is it really doesn't give a f*ck whether your ready or not.

I have an empty gun and I'm used to having somewhere around less than half a clip dig me? I'm not angry. I don't harbor anger anymore, just understanding. Peace will follow. Hello to another cycle.

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Or am I just... Senseless?