Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Tired of being Weak.

But I'm tired of being lonely. I've felt lonely in crowds before, and recently I've felt lonely specifying my time for 1. Monophobia. I'd rather be miserable with you than to suffer the unknowns of life without you. However, that is a weak form of thinking. 1 I'm reluctant to do away with ironically. I don't know how these things came to be, I have clues as to why though. All I can do is sit and think about the 'why's'. Sense doesn't add up, and I have to retreat back to what I know. Unfortunately what I know leaves me more confused, so I turn to where I'm comfortable. Cycle after cycle after f*cking cycle. Monophobia. I don't have to be alone, but I don't want to be put in positions to do things I don't want to do. I'm not about waking up everyday trying to figure out how to get my d1ck wet. Grow up n1ggas this ain't high school anymore. Matter of fact it's because of them, I can't just be. I can't within the confines of a relationship seek out the advice and tutelage I'm looking for, when I've outgrown my partner's perspective. Such would be filed under dishonesty, cheating, wavering, etc. It became obvious to me that I couldn't be everything for some1 if I wanted to. In order to do that I have to hold too much of myself back. Fortunately, you'll get your life back. Things are going to get a little more worse before they get better for me anyway. I feel that way because on MY end. The 1 where no1 else is to blame but me, I haven't done very much that I needed to. Hopefully recent events will help give me the push I've been missing but I really don't know. I thought some pretty wild thoughts the other day, and I've been known to get wild in my head, but this time I had to check myself. Time will tell if it was a product of something else, or if I really need to check myself. I think I really need to check myself, so I did, and I will. I think the worst part about all of this.. Or any disagreement where feelings are involved is that the other always feels hurt. I never set out to hurt anybody. I understand things I do may hurt you, and we may actually lose our friendship, but to accuse some1 of purposefully doing those things. Come on... Silliness. I'll be the accused for now though. Definitely didn't charge my ipod, so I'm listening to Devil music on the way to church. *shrugs* THEY gave the words that power, not me. I'm vibing, over monoophobia.

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Or am I just... Senseless?