Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Sunday, May 15, 2011

The end just came. (Not really) Beginning? (illy)

I don't need to be with any1. People don't want to be with me. I could be a hoodstar easily, but the niggas out there might beef with me. It's cool I don't want it I aint fronting my dude be cool. I'm overused to thinking like these fools,too long and find yourself standing in a pool the nerve of it all you'll fall not knowing rules are absolute. I could be... Pretty much whatever I want. I got a bankroll a vehicle why I gotta front? Oh, none of its mine, that's right rewind. I still got these things most people wish to have my everyday is their prize. I end the day OD'd on pride so It's solo time in the ride. I never functioned well in groups, I'm sad being alone but still can't cry. Oh well, another day for emotions to feel, I'm broken looking for pieces with the super glue to seal them back together. Maybe sunny weather can help me heal, Lord knows I wanted her here but she could never help me chill. Unless her mouth was slobbing my dick to be specifically graphic. No shot I'm just sitting here writing wishing I had it. Not a bad chick, a cutie though, got a nice lil booty roll 2 bee stings, yea she's down with that Kanye soul. Honestly can't work it, but hey nobody's perfect . It hurts that I feel I took half off the deal to make it work and all I really got was labeled jerk-ish. Dismissing skirts clearly trying to flirt cause like I said on some real shit I was trying to make it work. Now the only feeling of jerk is being laid in the past tense, I'm there already just lacking even half the passion. I hate feeling numb, I've known that too well. Hospital visits due to a vivid imaginative mind I thought myself up sicknesses fantasies blew mines. Not even the good kind like I spoke on before I thought I was good to die and I never felt that before. I'm low, no money, no drugs, no love. Pressed up against the ceiling though, I'm confused its not the ceiling its the floor. Where'd my sex drive off to? Probably where I kept the pills, might pop 2 to get through the rest of today's bills. Not like I pay them, but acknowledgment from colleges got people ill. I wonder how that bitter girl feels with her cheating boy, don't bring that sh1t to me I listened when I was annoyed. Implying that you find a decoy but you got salty had some attitude to deploy. I'm not a toy and don't expect to played with, so when it happens I get mixed like battered food. Part rude, but my ultimately I settle on "oh really ok then, screw you". Tired of being tested I can't stay sleep to rest then I'm expected to perform like I'm at my best. You fucking idiots how many times I have to tell you I'm depressed. Sometimes it hurts just trying to live breath by breath. As in I'll f*cking end it in the most splendid way possible. I feel like signs been everywhere but nobody thinks its topical. Need me to be newsworthy I got you don't worry in a flurry of haste I can show you the results of thinking livings a waste. "Oh my boyfriend he's a cheat Chrissy what do you say? I want to give him more chances but there's no more to take!" Well there you go asshole your answering your own questions confession you should have been learned your fucking lesson. I need some tree good music and a place for a decent session, Still think I'm dying when I hold it in my chest but Damn holding everything else in didn't prove for the best. Blowing it all out doing a little less I'm hard pressed to find a line that won't make me obsessed. Again and again and again. Cycles are about as common as the wind now days. Ended that with screenshots to match the convo I had with sh1t she's gonna try and make my hat. Won't do it can't have that, I know where it went and I'm honest so Blame me for what I'm responsible for... Nothing else to say there's the door.

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Or am I just... Senseless?