I'm sick of feelings yo. Straight up, I'm doing me for awhile. I've tired of being put in positions I don't want to be because I FEEL or try to look out for others. In the end it gets you pretty much no where. I know people probably reading this nodding along, well do like me then. I'm really disgusted with the current events I've experienced in the last 48 hours. Starting to think I'd do better just starting over by myself.
There are obvious neon glowing arrows that point to some fairly telling facts. Health to be precise, but what do I know? I'll kill myself quickly, and slowly at the same time. Why? Cause I FEEL too much. I'm past not giving a f*ck and I'm past people growing too big for their f*cking panties. The question I have for everybody is if I'm so f*cking bad and detrimental to you and your lifestyle. Why even f*ck with me. History been ran it's course that's no longer an excuse, no1 owes me sh1t. I say that cause I'm certainly feeling like I'm about to be done FEELING like I owe people anything.
Guilt has taken me a long way, and I'm done letting it dictate what's what in my life. I'm tired of FEELING for people. F*ck that..
I had a friend who has a friend, and I happen to make an observation 1 day. Went something like this: "yo why you let all them do your friend like that, you ain't think to say something? I don't think that was too cool I think your friend is really upset"
"No my friend's fine, it's like that all the time trust me, that's like my blood It's good everybody says that when they are around"
"... Ok, that's not what I got but hey, what do I know"
A whole f*cking lot' apparently. It's not even that I'm a 'know-it-all' type. I just FEEL too f*cking much. Call it whatever you want, I call it a curse cause I'm sick of it. Feeling guilty, feeling pain that isn't mine, I'm sick of it. I have my OWN issues to deal with. I have plenty of MY OWN pain to displace. I'm sick of it.
I'm the only 1 I know that can hide the truth of what their feeling. Lately, not so well and that's because I'm changing. I'm growing to no longer be able to accept this 'me' that FEELS these things. this 'me' that fabricates FEELINGS...
I don't even know anymore, as sure as I am exhausted and fed up I'm just as lost. I don't trust anymore. At all. I'm taking things for what they are.. Even now 'censoring' and 'filtering' what I feel because people can't take it. Well I'll take it for them as usual. Just lock it all up and remain in pain.