Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Tuesday, January 31, 2012


Shhh... Shhh... there's an annoying layer of silence sitting on top of me right now. I'm equivocally about the same as Kyle Williams right now. Or wait, him AFTER the last game. Maybe that's not a good reference... I'm the same as... F*ck that. I was going on and on in my head thinking of examples that could prove me to be who I say I am. As I say it. Not worth it when I don't have to cater to any1's mind but my own.

Now I'm going to put on these amazing headphones you bought me and remember just what it is your going to do to hurt me tonight. I'll make it as long as I want to, and honestly, I can go. I have too much money and a history of not giving enough f*cks to know what to do with hit. Meaning, these days can go too.

Last I checked there were tons of favors to be called in; read into that how you like though. I should hit my brother up. I'm such a... loser. Not in the typical sense, but because I don't cherish hard enough. Here I am sad that you are gone, and I'm allowing myself to miss opportunities to give myself to others. Not too much of a payoff for it either if I'm once again being honest. I never lie to myself.

I'm admittedly a little too honest, and HOW CAN THAT BE? one might ask. The answer, is simple, but complex. The answer, is not to be discussed here.

Why does this have to allude to 'bad' things or 'bad' times? I wonder... *If you know* If things go as planned my 'this' will be rocking in about an hour. All of 'this' actually.

Jess was like I'm never gonna see you now... That kinda stuck with me. Never is pretty long, ya know? While I highly doubt that to be true (in fact recent events have me eyeing my cellular device) it's a process imagining if the 'when' is going to happen; then figuring out the 'how', and thus the outcome.

I feel like instructors are ready for me, although I'm not ready to be broken down by red strokes. Red sheets, red furniture, and red is the color of anger and fury. Go F*ckin' figure.

I'll definitely be back.

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Or am I just... Senseless?