Ever Replenishable

and I am unashamed.


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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Ok Ok... You don't Get it

I'm trying everything in power to not be frustrated right now but I find the reasons for me justifying my frustrations are pretty much valid. I mean what's the point of communicating with some1 if they continue to ignore what it is that your saying?

The thing is it's really NOT anger, if it was writer's block would not be surfacing to the top of my brain. I just don't understand why it's cool to repeatedly ignore some1's request in certain situations. Yet here I am not voicing my frustrations like it's the thing to do.

The worst part is if I really act completely how I feel like right now it'll be all bad for me (seemingly). Not because I care, more so because my image is something that reflects my parents and I happen to be around more parents. I'm past rude (headphones are in), but I'm thinking about excusing myself to take a walk or something.

I would do THIS if I was anywhere else so I hate that me taking this course of action is looked at as me doing something wrong if that is in fact the case. I'm just being ME dealing with things the best way I know how...

I saw an old friend today... Look at me fronting. I saw my former best friend B'coax today. He saw me in my car, and if he didn't he heard my music. Well I know he did both of those things because I saw him half stop and think about what an encounter with me would mean after months of 'absence'... Needless to say he didn't approach the whip, and I didn't feel he deserved my candor.

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Definitely bitter at the whole situation. I feel like I did nothing but live while they (it's turning plural now...) moved away and continued on with their college lives. I may need to stop here I feel my thoughts driving me to do things I don't need to be doing. Then again, maybe I should explore these things more deeply.

I have no problem admitting I'm as emotional as they come. The problem with that being I'm definitely socially awkward, and somewhat immature when dealing with those emotions. I become hurt by the actions ( or non actions in this case) and lash out. My lashing out is different, I go into my shell. arms legs, head and all. I used to address things but I quickly learned my emotional imbalance does not serve well in these situations.

Anyway, I hurt that much more when people I can dead*ss say I love are the 1's causing the pain. I feel like I can feel YOUR pain and I KNOW I spend nights hurting from YOUR pain. So why the f*ck would you disregard me or my feelings as something that's irrelevant? Even if your unaware of your own actions... Are you all unaware that you haven't been in my life? Do you all care?

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I know I've been labeled a lot of things by some of the females that don't understand me, and the reason I say FEMALES is because MALES are to b*tch made to express the only way I know how. So yes, I turn to FEMALES. The crazy part is that sometimes the females vilify me for my 'in touchiness' which is beyond me that a human being would even do that to another without 1st trying to empathize.

I feel like I'm a master empathize-r. and an entry level sympathizer.

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People that don't understand that don't understand why when they come to me for advice I tell it how it is. Not what they want to hear, and that's not saying I don't understand where they are coming from. Remember I'm a master at this empathizing sh*t.

So when it comes to people I call friends I'm met with feelings of betrayal and undying love. I love them, I always will and that only lends to my emotional disconnect more. Every time I happen to randomly see these friends I go through a mental battle just to not be like 'f*ck him/her' but instead smile with my hand out and kind words ready.

I conceal things TOO well and unfortunately those close to me can't tell either way. I feel like at times I connect with those distant from me because their going through the same thing on their end. I don't even want to name names here you all KNOW who you are. I know you know because I know your reading.

I feel depressed now. It's grown to become a common feeling for me. More reason I gravitate to sample laced music (it literally talks to you...).

While I'm confident enough to remain open and honest with myself I want to flush out as much as I can. I feel like my so called friends have wrongfully judged me.. Wait, let me stop and say all of this has been left to a very unstable mind to decipher. Like I said males don't really communicate (though I've reached out..).

*as I walk*

What do they think of me? Recent inquiries suggest that I'm some1 lost and confused in and with drugs. Well I'm not denying it am I? Though that thinking only raises more questions... Word? I'm that? Aight, so NOW why haven't you reached out? Do you really NOT care? Is my association with those vices the final straw?

I don't know, but through my own observations I feel like people less deserving have somehow received the attention I always wished to have from all of you. When I start making THOSE observations the attacks turn inward. It MUST be me right?

Admittedly I'm not as 'cool' as most the company you keep and when I definitely am 'cooler' I'm not as academically inclined or socially in the norm with my thinking. I know these are issues that I inflict upon myself but understand the attacks turn to me because I have very few outlets to let these poisonous thoughts out.

I swear I hope some1 is reading wide eyed nodding along. Your really NOT alone, just find me. My tracks are taking this train where it need not go. The land of lost thoughts...

I feel like I've said too much, but then again only FEMALES read this thing anyway.

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Put that line on repeat and get at me.. I love and miss you all.





*The biggest 'female' of them all - Turtle*



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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

As told by Soulja Boy

This n*gga's garbage with the rhymes. I don't care who you are don't be in my face telling me Soulja Boy can spit cause he can't! IMO anyway... His music is, well, a topic of huge interest to me. There once was a time I think last summer where I really TRIED to listen to this dude. I figured I need to be able to communicate with people, and people f*ck with Soulja Boy. Instead of being like 90% of the listeners out there that don't really listen at all, I decided I would get to the bottom of why his appeal is what it is.

Boy was that tough. Needless to say his beats at times while simplistic can be catchy as hell. Still they get very monotonous... Why am I even going in on this, it's not the point of the entry. Just wanted to give ya'll a little bit of back story as to why I'm highlighting Soulja Boy of all artists today.

I came across this Vibe interview with dude (vibe.com suckas), and it really grabbed my attention. I'm sure some of you have heard that Soulja Boy's next album will be far more 'lyrical' than his past conquests have demonstrated.

I heard that, thought maybe he will step it up with the pen... Then I heard 'Pretty Boy Swag'...

*-_-*

Needless to say I completely wrote off all the lyrical miracle talk concerning his album as the song sounded like this n*gga was trying to say he could go in and gargle cum on the beat and every1 would still love it. Wait, ACCEPT it rather.. *Sighs*

True spit, 1 of the reasons I f*ck with Charles Hamilton the way I do is because he gives his fans unparalleled insight as to why the music is the way it is. Outside AND inside the music. So I'm not left wondering why he went ahead and decided to make something sound the way it did. Definitely doesn't excuse some of sins he commits in his music, but at least I know WHERE he is coming from.

*Back to the Soulja*

This interview gave me a little bit of insight on Soulja Boy the artist. Say what you will, dude built his sh*t from the ground up for dolo. Gotta RESPECT that, and if I can respect you I can f*ck with you musically. Most all above anything else I remain hopeful that all my fav. artists do not become stagnant. Grow and evolve with your craft, it shows me the consumer you give a damn.

I feel as if SB is making a step in that direction and if this interview is any indication, then the kid may just be in it for the long haul after all. I mean sh*t, he's already gotten away with viral pollution lol.

Anyway here are some excerpts from the vibe.com interview that caught my eye.

I remember you saying a few months back that you want this to be your most lyrical album yet. What’s your writing process?

It depends on what type of song it is. For "Pretty Boy Swag," there was no writing process. I went into the booth, listened to the beat, and the rhythm had just kept catching my head. So I put the headphones on and just replaced the rhythm with whatever words. That was my basic process for that song. But like for a song I have on my album called “I Deserve A Grammy,” featuring Esther Dean, the writing process for that was crucial. That was like, a six-hour plane ride from New York to Los Angeles, just clearing my head, sitting down with a sheet of paper and a pen and just going in. Thinking of the words, how I’m going to pronounce each syllable and playing the beat over and over in my head. That was a much more crucial process. When people hear the album, and hear songs like “I Deserve A Grammy,” you’re going to be able to tell I really had to sit down and go back in over and over until I had it perfect.

What about the Twitter hashtags #ifsouljaboycouldrap or #rappersbetterthansouljaboy—when you see stuff like that, do you just laugh it off, or does it get to you?

When I see stuff like that it makes my ego get bigger. Because it’s like, damn, all these people are focusing on me—whether it’s good or it’s bad. I know that my music’s the shit. It’s only a certain group of people pushing that negative energy, so for all the other people that’s seeing it that fuck with me, that makes them want to go harder for me. When I see stuff like that, I know it’s going to lead all these people to my name, period. It’s funny, but at the same time, it’s promotion

What’d you do differently this album to make your raps more lyrical? 

This time around I did a lot of research. I received a lot of constructive criticism, listened to different people’s opinions, and then I sat down and bought a whole bunch of different albums, and listened to them all the way through—really listened to the lyrics. I just wanted to hear what they were saying. I took from all of that and mixed it into one and I went ham. 

Looking back at your first two albums, do you think the rhymes were wack?

I ain’t gonna front. I heard some of my previous songs and I would just laugh, like, “damn.” I done came a long way. It’s crazy how people really fuck with them songs, how they were successful. It’s crazy just to see my growth. It’s amazing. 

True. Has there ever an online moment that you regretted afterward?

Smoking on camera. I do regret that. I ain’t really want my fans to see that, because I got a fanbase of kids that goes down as low as 10 years old, all the way up to grown people in their 30s. When the camera was on me, I wasn’t thinking about none of that. And we all make mistakes, as long as you know what your mistake was and you be a man about it, people will forgive you and you can move on.

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Basically he's growing up. We all need to at some point.

shout out to JKennedy over at vibe.com


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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Nothing is Good

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Can I just say if Wale plans to use the whole Seinfeld thing as his personal mixtape brand that's f*cking genius! As long as he can deliver like he did on the 1st 'Mixtape About Nothing' he's good $. I'm kind of excited for this. His cd is admittedly slept on by me. smh well that's the thing about good music, you can always come back to it.



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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Shady Biz

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Been hearing multiple grumblings from producers that worked on Tha Carter 3 album. I don't understand why they would show such a lack of respect for the people that definitely provided Wayne with the blueprint to how the album would play out.. The sick part is these n*ggas have a real history with jerking people out of their money. Clean it up geez..

Edit: if it didn't make sense before it's because I posted the wrong video. yeeeesssh! My bad. Problem solved
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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Morning Walks

Back on the 1, 2. maneuver.

Haven't been sleeping well and I can feel it catching up to me which sucks because I need to have energy to get around in this heat.

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Your poem was ill. I could've cried at the emotion and honesty alone. My drunkenness wouldn't allow for such things. so I passed out half amazed half bitter. Did she just... Nah my sh*t was better lol but you have me thinking I may have lent a hand in creating a whole different kind of monster. I win. Again.

Gotta be careful in claiming my victories as my conquests are hardly taken how they were intended to be.



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Know that this weaves in and out through my entire body and causes an emotional collapse. Dead*ss last night I was sobbing, I don't know the chords tug at me. However, it captures the pressures of sorrow, doubt, extreme anxiety, and lost love for me. Diggeth.

*Let's go Marley*

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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Beautiful Walks

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I don't know why Ive never seen this video before today. Maybe I did and I just... shame on me.


Anyway in light of all the walking that's going on coupled with musical compositions from my favorites I've found myself literally taking trips down memory lane. This particular song hit me hard today. I just so happened to be with Marley on a loooong expedition and 'beautiful' came on. I don't know if it would've been the same without her, but I was deep into my memory so it didn't really matter.

I remember I used to walk with ipod in tow (I miss that little guy...) blasting Eminem's relapse album just prior to coming home for good. Those were tough times because I literally had no 1 for a little while. Everybody had went back home relocated or whatever, I was stuck bouncing in and out of Freshman dorms (ha shoutout to Little Tokyo) trying to keep Marley from being taken away (I would have to leave her caged in strange random locations hiding places. People would call complaints would be made. The end result of which usually ended in me sprinting through town to combat the false allegations of an abandoned dog... see I was evicted, but that's just. What wasn't was them trying to treat my dog like the rest of my stuff. no dice.)

So walking today was in a way therapeutic. The scenery was most certainly different and I couldn't help but think about the huge contrasts... I lost this 1.


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 -/Rebel2Society\-v(**)