Now it's this, blame.. Yup, I do.


Monday, May 30, 2011

Finally Rest.

I will go use my comfortable bed and while doing so, I will not feel guilt or shame poking at me telling me to get up. I looked up at the clock it was 11:50. I looked up at the clock again it was 1:30. This is the type of sh1t I'm talking about. I stopped checking the phone, it was too much. All the good stuff is in my jacket pocket, yet I'll be figuring that out by myself again. I hate that driving is an issue but you can... Whatever. Too many problems. I'll try not to call or contact, but I'll be lonely soon again. Then I'm forced with the decision to make. I can end all of this, it's as simple as introducing myself to the next stranger, or taking notice to 1 of the plenty that notice me. Why am I so relunctant to do this again? Better yet, why has every1 begun to be shunned at the expense of...

See it's unfair. I won't go there and I won't argue that I should be allowed to. Tomorrow is a holiday apparently, and all that tells me is parents will be home. No comfortable anything high unless it's in your room type sh1t. I love my room by the way. Not my fault most don't know how to utilize it the way I do.

I struggle to believe others are up at strange hours considering some1 other than themselves. That bothers me only because I can't stop when I want to. The only way I know how to turn people off is to be rude. That hardly works now that I think about it. I don't like hurting others, it's not why I'm here.

I could diagnose myself again, figure out what's wrong with me. How pointless would that be? It's really weird to know that you keep things from yourself, because you KNOW. That's where I'm at. I have some pretty self explanatory explanations as to why things are not going how I would imagine they should. I don't want to get into them just yet, there's still a little more that needs to take place. For now, it's turning out the way I thought it would eventually. We'll see.

I hate being tired with desire to do nothing more than fill the page up. Pen to paper is so much more... connected. I think anyway... I feel that way anyway. The stuff in my book... smh

Doesn't look like I'll be getting my RoundTable Pizza today or my Baskin Robbins. The latter is okay, I had that yesterday (even though the bum *ss spot didn't have my new favorite flavor. I think it's seasonal or something). Pizza though, I really wanted some of my favorite pizza. I should have planned better and I would have it...

For what it's worth, all the things I complain about I sure do put myself right back in those situations. Like without fail and constantly. I noticed that because I always tell those who can't take me to stop trying to. Either that, or find some1 you can take. Crazy how we hardly take our own advice. I can only imagine the amount of scrutiny I'd fall under taking THAT kind of advice though. I've heard snippets here and there, I'm sure I know exactly what would be hurled at me.

Anyway, probably no pizza which really sucks.

I hate don't like when some1 says they are doing something for you, then they proceed to do all the things that would make you say they did it for them. I seem to be catching too many people doing this to me right now and it's annoying. Once again, I just want my Round Table (catch it?) Pizza.

I have no idea what I'm getting ready to do besides hit this bed. I mean getting ready to do in terms of what I'm going to let watch me fall asleep. Probably Trigun, because it has to be something I won't feel guilty for having watched without you. Even though when you consider the time it takes to complete a series together, it's rather ridiculous to expect either of us to wait on the other.

There's plenty I would love to watch. I've been weary of getting back into my netflix shows. That's a whole different type of crack right there, I'm not sure I'm prepared for that. Getting cozy, still searching.


Cause I ain't shouted you out in a minute my dude! Miss you too, we gotta connect up soon man.

Jerome! Pooh Butt! I miss ya'll too, got some funds coming in so I'm definitely making the trip to see ya'll sooner rather than later!

So many exclamation marks... I'm aware of such things.
*Any mistakes are just mean*

Hopefully Goodnight, to an early morning filled with whatever with whoever I want.

_ _

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Or am I just... Senseless?