I could air out

I've been unhappy at home, going outside could be therapeutic for me.

Therapeutic...

When your up after 22 hours of no sleep (that's 2 hours of down time for you smart people)at 2 am in the morning Therapy is probably necessary. I've been teetering on what exactly it is that's 'off', but I'm feeling more like coming to terms with whether or not 'help' is necessary is the real key to everything.

Help...

I've always been too... something...? To willingly divulge into what I'm feeling to anything without a vagina. Things are still that way now, I've just lost any Vaginal connections with those who could or would help in the past. Whatever, it would be more realistic to say I unceremoniously terminated those relationships.. But then that's not very realistic at all is it?

I missed a call from Kiki.

Enough said.

*half a bar*

Trying to figure out how to divide this time correctly.

Trying to figure out how to not lie to myself.

Trying to figure out what the hell happened to that dude I used to be.

Basically just a lot of thinking and a full circle for the blog entry.

Now that I've actually riddled the page with enough words to distract those who hate words and reading I can go in a little bit. Not to ruffle any feathers or even speak on anything that's bothering me right now, just flat out issues with things I've had in the past still going on today. Or something like that.


"When patience is combined with the ability to discriminate between the action and the one who does it, forgiveness arises naturally"


www.rebel2society.blogspot.com the address is the same (just like my number, I've changed once since I've had a cell phone during the 'Brittany Era'). There's a good reason why the blog's address never changed and that was so it would lock into your minds. Excuse me, the minds of the ("you people") 'readers'. Keyword there at the end. so I never changed my blog address that way the READERS could easily remember where they had read all of this pointless information from in the 1st place. All that to say don't ASK ME about my blog. It and it's contents will or won't be updated at the SAME ADDRESS, which is to say go read muf*cka lol. Dead*ss though, that's just silly and annoying.


I'm scared for the next 1. Being in a relationship you figure out what you like and don't like. I'm kind of excited to apply these things to a new situation, but no where near excited enough to be in a new situation again so go figure.

Tree some food and keep it sexually interesting. I'll do the rest and that to me sounds like a pretty damn good deal. Before I can even see myself pondering romantic visions with other women a sit down and those few things would have to be gone over. This is what I want, this is what I need. Wait for the rebuttal and if it doesn't match up, it's an auto no.

TREE Etiquette: O F*ckin' boy. I don't know who some of these folks came up chiefin' with, but this sh1t is out of hand! Lol I know it's 2011 so n1ggas might really not be doin the whole puff puff pass deal out the gate. I get that, cool! That doesn't mean you take the blunt and just have at it for dumb long though come on people. When I 1st started smoking I burned with n1ggas that would flat out make you feel like an idiot if you was F'n up the etiquette. Lol I'm glad though because the sh1t really is universal. You gotta pay attention next time your sharing a blunt. Look around, if n1ggas aint PPP'n peep the amount of time (and hits) each person takes with the blunt. Keep in mind that if it is said person's blunt they will more than likely take (A LITTLE) longer and (1 OR 2 MORE) HALF HITS! That half is important yo. Know the rotation! Them things are usually passed to the left, but if not it's not difficult! Your going to be receiving and passing from and to the same person every time, just pay attention! Folks that can't roll, just don't roll. Lol that 1 may get to me the most. I can't roll very well, so whenever there are more able people around I delegate the duties. It's the LOGICAL thing to do! No1 likes a F'd up blunt, that mess is the worst.
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Just realized how intelligent I sound. N1ggas and blunts! N1ggas and blunts!! lmao I'm probably going to have to devote an entire post to this it's long overdue, and some of ya'll... Ya'll need some damn help. I guess the only thing worse then actually messing up the etiquette is having a warped perception on your tree. We some Cali folks! That means we have the best tree on the planet, and therefore we smoke our tree like it's the best. We don't skimp! WTF big blunts guys. THIS IS NOT KANSAS! Shout out to my man Ivan btw. Philly!!! ha Dead*ss though if you are meeting up with others (remember all this is pretty subjective to the relationship you have with individuals. These guidelines when followed will make sure you are good regardless of who your with) remember to bring a good amount of tree! There's almost nothing worse then setting something up only to get there and find so and so only has half a blunt... That's actually just not cool lol (Calming down). Again ESPECIALLY if you are with others. It's assumed that every1 has enough for them, therefore when putting it all together you get MORE! No1 likes to use up more tree for others then they would hae on themselves only to have the act go unreturned. So dead*ss... Why am I going on and on about tree? I've gone on and on about everything else, and as my news classes taught me so well timeliness is everything. Whew...

I don't mean to sound like an *sshole, it's just I know enough to know what it is I will and won't tolerate now. Some of the things I hear from people DISGUST ME. I've been 1 of those people who I've been disgusted at admittedly, I saw this and decided change was the path I was going down. I just can't see myself continuing the same mistakes over and over until I'm too burnt out to do a thing about it, and that's exactly where I'm heading.

It only sounds rude when the same 'courtesies' aren't being extended, then your a bully or out of line. My thing is this, the relationships I have in my life now are ALL people I have put in multiple years with on the friend front... (weird) So when communication occurs I expect NO FLUFF! I expect NO BUFFER. Naturally I assume that due to our relationship things can be taken to a more 'animated' level and still remain cordial and respectful towards our individual wants and desires.

In a perfect world that would work Amazingly. Apparently that's a perfect world I don't live in, and believe me I've tried to 'manifest' myself into this dimension... No luck.

Words that need to define relationships for me at this point; mutuality, and urgency. If your unwilling to sacrifice together then your just wasting your time. Unless your with some1 who's going to remain completely stagnant and never evolve mentally your going to have to do things YOU DON'T WANT TO DO. My specialty I think. For me just making the other person happy is huge. HUGE! Ironic I've kind of gotten away from that, but recognizing is the 1st step to something...


Don't make the mistake of feeling like this only applies to those romantic relationships. If there's some1 you care about, then this applies.

So it's back to the basics with people. I don't want to waste my time, but I absolutely don't want to assume your a waste of time (you all). I've always struggled with letting go, I guess because to me it's the same as failure (which isn't true at all). However as time goes on and more options are explored you have to start at least giving glances to the things you haven't tried out. That's where I'm at.

Standing tongue kissing a pistol saying to myself, "I know if I pull this trigger I'm going to die (instantly more like), but if I don't I'm going to be raped until I feel like dying, or can't feel at all."

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That's a tough position, well not if your NOT into pain. I'm reeling right now dead*ss, I hurt. Thanks to the beautiful people I've got around, I probably should let you all know your appreciated real soon. I'm looking for that light at the end of this b1tch and if I can find it sooner rather than later things may just be okay. Only I hardly believe it's even possible to find.

*Cryptic*

I started this entry like 'yea I'm bout to go in taking names kickin *ss sort of thing' Naaah I was about to for a minute, but this was started at like 2am and it's now almost 11am 2entries in. Whatever, I got a lot off my chest, and let the petty sh1t rest.

Today needs to be an awesome day. I really don't care how it gets there, I'm just living. I wrote this like this on purpose. "I want it to be hard to follow, because when I'm straightforward it's gonna be hard to swallow." Basically I get cryptic to keep feelings safe. In this case, these are honestly generalizations I've been thinking about for awhile... Still Awesomeness please...

I gotta shout Alex out she dead*ss be up on my sh1t. Like more than I do, and Alex that means a lot! Some1 help me with this notebook (colors) so I can get busy in a new way. For those wondering, the last year I've undergone some major fundamental changes in myself that consequentially have force me to change the way I write. I HAVE been writing a lot most of it doesn't make sense, and that doesn't matter because it was all practice. Basically I got a notebook full of my head if some1 wants it. Any1, we do mail things. I only ask that if some1 happens to be interested enough, that they take the time to give me some feedback. I just want to know what you think about what I think, or how I think.

I don't THINK too many would stick by me so yeah, you do get a lot of credit for doing so. Part of the reason your departure was such a disappointment Meron. What can you do though? Seriously what can you do?!

Pay attention people. I know a friend that spoke on fake love or rather fake concern. Don't tell me something to my face or over the phone *Because it sounds good!*. That will just result in whatever you told me coming back to bite you in the *ss, because I really mean what I say and I expect the same from everybody I associate with. Sh1t me and X got into it the other day over something similar. Say what you say, and mean what you say.

I've shattered the current tangent record on file, and with good reason. The day I'm no longer afraid to face what I'm feeling in an honest manner will be a messy 1. I can't help how I feel, I just know enough now to realize how I feel is a weapon against me. So it's quiet. Again.








RANDoM - 'repeat after me I, state your name' you know what that does to your brain!? lol








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-/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

WorkinOnit!

 YOU KNOW!


I still get lost in my music zone out n just lose it. Not a temper or


tantrum this how my center gets pampered that's like my soul you know

the word chi? That's what I achieve a zone all alone that's home to

inner peace. At least for me and that's the least of what I ask for. I

don't try to get there no lessons more like a crash course. Centered

around my interest its my sport. Filling the voids left from being

annoyed by outsiders. The game never changes just rearranges players

to fill in the shoes that used to belong to you. Except for me

exceptionally especially abused bruised by these untruth's. Why even

ask if its true. Master hiatus' I had to fly the coop. Not just the

net my house and phones too. Connect back with myself until I feel

that I'm cool return to the world disconnected on a wireless

connection. Death I can't mess with double back hit reset. When a

shoulder is needed I'm somewhere feeling defeated and neglected. A

little depressed knowing the elected few went unprotected. Looking for

answers won't find em but your guess is as good as mine is. But I'm

stuck trying to remind myself that no person is timeless. Get a wake

up call from a call waking you up telling you today is when his time

is. Damn where the time went? That's always the next thought. I was

just with them the other day...
 
*Is there more (c'mon son)? and does it even matter?*

Dilla's rivaled by who? Gone (n peace)!
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-/Rebel2Society\-v(**)

Holy Grails

Ladies and gentlemen we have long awaited the rerelease of the Air Jordan XI "Space Jams" . Well these rare airs are expected to drop in mid to late december online and in retail stores. These sneakers are the epitome of what an Air Jordan shoe represents. They will be limited releases without a doubt. So for all you jordan fanatics keep your eyes open for that release date and save your pennies.

The Cali Gon Creep Out.. Watch your F***** Mouth

Wooooooow really? I thought we were PAST this. I'm tired of the attitudes, and as I told everybody, and have been making a point to mention in this very blog of mine, I'm all about peace right now! Any negative energy/ feelings you have keep them the f*** from me, because I'm in a differen't place in my life. smh... People are crazy yo. I really don't understand it.. I've had my share of bad days out here, and believe me I know what its like to feel like the whole world is stepping on your throat, but to use that as an excuse to treat people bad isn't cool. Hear me when I say I'M SPEAKING OUT OF EXPERIENCE! (<<--Kanye style caps on that a** lol)I've been the a**hole that people didn't want to be around because of my attitude, and guess what? It's not fun being by yourself. You may think it's ok at first and your getting along fine,(and maybe you feel like being out here outside of your country you are by yourself)but trust me you will regret it.


*For Dramatic Effect*
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Now Kiki, I'm talking directly to you, and not because you pissed me off with your sh*tty attitude that you decided to cop when everybody was chilling on some good vibe sh*t (which you did). But because your treating your friends like sh*t (and I'm not included in that group). I know let me guess, I don't know you blah blah blah. Shut up for a second and listen, because I may not know you, but I know people (and you've displayed a great amount of immaturity through this all). In the last two weeks I have dealt with OTHER people's problems. Bulimia, money issues, sadness, etc. I didn't do that because I had to, I did it because when I associate with people, I don't do it unless I genuinely care. So shovel that people don't know you sh*t all you want. I don't care, but I will tell you this. (Strictly from my perspective) You have GOOD friends (and again, I'm not putting myself in that list), but if you keep acting the way you have been, you will be left alone. Maybe, that's what you want, but you owe it to them as a friend to stop acting like such an immature baby all the time. I'm just trying to give you my honest opinion, and I'm using my blog as the forum to do so because you seem to "not care" when I approach you any other way. This is in no way to put you out there, just to get my message across to you (besides I feel like I might explode if I were to say this in your face and I don't want to do that. So this keeps it calm for the time being), I can take it down after you've read it no problem.


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With all THAT said, I'm done. I wish you the best and good luck with what your persueing in life. Gone!

Rebel2Societyake

Bipolar I Am

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See this sh*t right here, is exactly the opposite of the last post. What's crazy about it is I meant them both equally. Sometimes I just can't get over the things people do. I try to understand things from all angles but obviously it doesn't work all the time. It's funny a friend of mine said that my last entry was better then the rest. To which I replied "why?" and she told me because it was happier................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Happier? Ok let's get one thing out the way for all of you who read this. I'm living life, so I will experience my ups and downs, and I will report it to you how I feel. I won't call you out, but saying things like that almost makes me not want you to check up on this sh*t altogether. Maybe I'm tripping (it's been a very rough night), but I feel that way because if all you can take from this is happy or negative, your missing the point. Somebody please feel me out there.

*Enough of that..*

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I hate not being able to help people. It makes me feel like I've failed. Gone..

Rebel2Society

Lonely Loser

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Exactly how I've felt all F***** day. Also how I sum up my time out here in Pittsburg Kansas. What will the next 3 months have in store for me? Loneliness + Insomnia = ME the lonely loser. Charles get me. Yeah I have relationships (though its amazing how quickly and drastically people change up, my phone aint rang in a month), I have company but that doesn't change the fact i'm LONELY! At the moment the only thing stopping me from exploding is my MUSIC. 5 days and counting. Gone.

Rebel2Society

Does IT even Matter..

*Does na na na na na dance with tongue out*

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My team is now resting after sleep walking through the first round. *yawns* Oh watching this series made you sleepy too? lmao ok ok. I did enjoy seeing Jerry Sloan thrown out. Nothing against coach Sloan I just think its hilarious when folks get thrown out AND make a scene. That was great lol. Good job Utah. Deron Williams Whoowee! (ayo! pause and the like.. whatever lol) dude is nice with his though he not seeing Chris Paul game though. (they both on another level so shut up and stop trying to argue with me)

*Checks gun*
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I have one more bullet left... Anyone know where Carlos Boozer was tonight? I think he missed the game. lmao BLAOW!!!!!


---->>Moving On<<----

I love the night/early mornings. It's the only time I can really be (semi)stress-free. Here's what normally happens. I wake up to the situation i'm currently in out here, and feel sick knowing I have to deal with all these different issues we all go through (school, work <<--basketball for me, friends, enemies, money, bills, etc.). The whole day is basically me dealing with something until I don't have to anymore.. (I feel like this is confusing, think of having an exam tomorrow. your gonna be thinking about it until its over then its like aaahhhhhh!!! lol) So for me, 8am- 530ishpm is hell. 5:31pm come around maaaaaaaaaaan! lol I'm wildin out. (not really but that's how my mind feels when it's liberated from stress) With everything that's been taking place recently I look forward to my nights even more. a little bit of this a little bit of that (hmmm? lol) berry, ipod, laptop, now get out my way lol. But that's how it is for me anyway..
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Didn't get my point across how I wanted to.. (Maybe I should write about it?)




*Super Exhausted*

Can't sleep though, that wont happen until I sit down on something soft.. Get's me everytime lol U KNOW!! All this technology backfiring at the moment though lol I got way too much (tryin to be) going on. I've been slacking on my twitter heads 4real. Which reminds me 1000 posts coming soon I'm bout to throw a party for myself. lmao none of ya'll invited! (facebookers LOST lol) I'm dealing with this solo tip quite well actually. (Is that even really a big surprise? Naaaaah!) IF I still had the internet available to me in the comforts of my apt. I probably wouldn't have noticed that I've been alone *shrugs* but whatever my berry holdin up just fine.

*Because its my blog and I can*













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Joe Budden (The rapper) hit me up about the 'nonsituation-situation' (.. Quick recap: my friends aint my friends no more.) and had these words for me personally (which, naturally, I thought was nice lmao)

"I love everybody dont ask me who I beef with they burnt the bridge but they were standing underneath it" - mousebudden
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(that's that twitter sh*t ya'll AIN'T on) thanks homie. (he said it not me but damn if I didn't agree)

I saw some hilarious sh*t (Dame Dash Def Jam Fiasco... no lupe lol) tonight, so hopefully I can share that with ya'll. The hip hop heads will either be mad, or ltfao over it. Anyway I'll post it on here (maybe) tomorrow or tonight. Meanwhile I'm having a major hold up with my featured artist I was gassin its coming!

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I'm feeling like there's a lot of suspect material in this one sooooooo

"Me and another man will NEVER get it on! call me homophobic I just like to be strong" - Charles Hamilton

lol and thank you homie. (I just happened to be listening to that..... UGH NIGGA U GAY!! (c) Riley from the Boondocks lmao)

*Rejuvenated*


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bout to get on my TURTLE sh*t one time. Gone!!

Rebel2Society

Cemetery Silence

Instead of being quiet I wanna be silent
there's a difference between the two you
just have to find it wildin really just sick
of the climate I'm home in my mind roadblocks
I have to climb them back to the cemetery
yeah I'm dead with silence watching everybody
living life this prison like one I created
awhile back should thank god that I'm here
and alive but if my heart isn't in it I'm just
living a lie I realized that some time ago
when things came to blows with my ego I'd have
to decide where she'd go and I couldn't shouldn't
have taken it any kind of way but I guess
that's easier said than done especially coming
from me so alone on a throne that I built for
myself sat around and watched people wither away
at themselves then turn the hate to place the
blame on somebody else doing the same thing so
confusing and logic is my only company so instead of
running I sat comfortably abusing whatever I felt
would do its best to comfort me wanting what I
couldn't achieve reaching out because I couldn't
believe we'd leave out without so much as even
speaking that's reasonable doubt leaving out
all the bs is the best way to say I'm over
it today so its back to the cemetery quiet for
ya'll I just explained silence to ya'll my brand
though where I cancelled any and every desperation
from you and your mans so I'm gone just floating
in the wind like my so-called friends Pac said
it first I just think there's no point in pretending
any longer yeah I'm hurt just wish someone would
give a damn show their worth its tough ODing with
my work I'm so sure on the flipside I'd be there first
but that's alright I told ya'll its quiet you can
see me but don't speak I'm trapped in
cemetery silence.







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*I told ya'll I was gonna wreck this sh*t!!*

Should explain this? Hope ya'll enjoy.
See I CAN write sometimes lmao. Gone!

Rebel2Society

Grrrr Let it breathe!!!

Damn this is some super rough venting I got for ya'll
I'm so sincere about the rough part lmao. Basically
This here is some hot (unfinished) garbage! But in light of that
Its emotionally on point so it is what it is.
LITTLE BIT of insight..

How u sit n another man face pounds n handshakes all that
and still be fake I was real each day my niggas ya'll was
family why wait for me to leave the place to disgrace my
name? And everybody's guilty grimey ass filthy niggas oh
well I know well that you speak like little bitches so time
tells me who was doin all the dirt throwing all this time
frontn like I aint knowing yall was the kane to my abel sat
at my table ate my food smoked what I gave you WHAT THE FUCK
MY NIGGAS?! Man fuck these niggas if I can't be real then ima chill
just sitting with my grill sealed that's why this shit's written let
the tears spill hitting walls ya'll seen the holes that came from the
pain that yall bein hoes. And I'm sorry ladies what can I say baby
I'm emotional. Take it whatever way ya'll know where I stay do what
u do put holes all in my frame hey I've been dead way before today
its nothing to me. I adjusted to be someone who could see the sincerity
in my team even if we aint really speak yall adjusted FROM me! How you gon
say I changed always up in my room racking my brain cranking the bass to make
the beat bang creating space so yall had place or a seat to connect with me
the door used to be open but my nigga soft spoken wasn't feeling my vibes
which is why now when I'm inside the doors closed but the doors ALWAYS open
damn my door WAS always open and brittany was the only one that got it she
lounged I jotted talking wasn't an option but hey I've been that way since
day one I can be alone and think comfortably and when I tried to explain
this to ya'll your statements wasn't matching your actions a couple days
back I heard some chit chat over the speaker on her phone picture that...
And Guess who the subject was?... aint gonna say your name but that hurt
me my nigga can't look at you the same kinda lame I looked up to your tiny
ass in the beginning when we'd sit passing blunts back n forth chilling
talkn bout how we was gonna be killing ionno I had a feeling come to
find out u was one of the main ones illin yo that shit gave me chills
when you hobbled through practice with your back kid eyes wallowed I
couldn't close my own eyelids... Cause then everybody would know and
though I respected you we couldn't let it stop the show see I
remember all that before my roommate wanted to fuck you up for talkin
smack bout some ass yall tapped and jealousy's a weak emotion ya'll
should've controlled that. Its funny and nothing short of wack that
I'm too abstract that (all over a bitch? Fuck a bitch I gotta bitch yall
breakin covenants and now that I'm numb to it all I'm loving it cause
I see it all shovel shit yall spit up out of your face. I don't have
time to or for waste...
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And that's how u drop a bomb. Dead ass!! But seriously
Take it for what it is I don't really care anymore (obviously)
Is it over yet??

*thinks some names shoulda been dropped*

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That probably means no lmao stay tuned. Gone!

Rebel2Society